Thanks for starting this thread.
Hey, I resemble that remark
That's definitely what I would describe as a spiraling secondary trigger to really get me in a shitty space
Great to hear.
I haven't put much information here for quite a while regarding my situation but having just had a pretty shit week or so this seems like a good idea.
It was quite the decade for me personally. Got together and married my wife, had a great time. She got me to travel a tonne more than I ever had which was awesome. In 2016 our son was born, three weeks later on the second day of me being back at work my wife had a massive seizure and was rushed to Casey Hospital. They did tests over and over for brain damage (pull this, squeeze that etc) which she had no trouble with but should have given us a clue especially after a CAT scan - we were told she either had a massive stroke or had brain cancer and she needed to go to Monash Clayton. I didn't envy that Dr. having to deliver the news.
MRI confirmed brain cancer of some form, initially thought to be astrocytoma but subsequent surgery which may have been unnecessary or at least no where near as required later revealed it is oligodendroglioma. A slow growing cancer, probably there from childhood.
Unfortunately after the major surgery (awake craniotomy, not sure if I could have dealt with that) there was significant rehab, her left side has never been back to 100% but she powered through rehab like a champ. Being unable to care for our son the way she wanted caused her a lot of distress, still does in some ways as she is on four anti-convulsants but still has complex-partial seizures with each one it kicks the can of being allowed to drive 12 months down the road so she feels robbed of her freedom.
So this can give me pretty significant things to be worried about and there are points where my anxiety and stress can be overwhelming. I think scanxiety with my wife going in for her regular MRI snuck up and pushed me into that shit spiral and I ended up having a panic attack at 2AM the other morning. The timing is important both because I have immense trouble getting back to sleep and sleep is very important for controlling seizures so waking my wife kills me. Jesus does that ruin you and it feeds into itself so well being unable to effectively care for my family being so absolutely exhausted there were times it felt like I couldn't move my limbs but then I can't sleep or eat. Getting back to it now and back at work today not feeling too bad, just tired. Seeing my GP today and organising some more sessions with a psychologist.
Earlier in the last three years I was so focused on my family's care that I would ignore and push through pretty significant episodes which really has only made things worse. I wish I had the foresight to organise more professional support for myself earlier, I think not wanting to admit how f**ked things were was part of that. My family has been an incredible support network for me, couldn't do this without them. Work has been very understanding all along as well.
So that is where I am at. All the plans we had sort of went on hold if not out the window in 2016. It cut a huge chunk of our income with my wife only being able to work one day a week instead of returning to work full time so that's another stress point.
My son goes to pre-kindy this year so that's exciting, he's pretty pumped for it and he gets to stay at nana's and auntie's places pretty frequently and has a great time.
So yeah, everyone has a bad time sometimes but these days there are services to help you out so you should give them all a go.