Kero

Embarassing Moments

A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong. He hurried to the ****pit and got no response from his pilot. The blind guy fumbled for the radio and started calling the flight control tower, "Help! Help!" "What's the problem?" replied the flight control tower. "Help me! I'm blind... the pilot is dead, and we're flying upside down!" "How do you know you're upside down?" asked the flight control tower. "Because I just shit my pants and it's running down my back!" ................................................................................ ......... A doctor was in a bank preparing to endorse a check, so he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to write with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen." ................................................................................ ......... A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it was such a good idea. The doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" "Well, er, yes," she admitted. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" "No, not really," she responded. "Well, then, there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, as long as you're careful not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. "You mean I can get pregnant by having anal sex?" "Of course," replied the doctor, "where do you think lawyers come from?"

Wow, what a game!!! on XBOX This has got to be one of the best games going around at the moment. Its way better than the movie. Its very similar to a PC game i loved also called Kingpin.

A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head. Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it..." The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!" ................................................................................ ......... A blonde walks up to a vending machine and puts in some coins. Sure enough, out pops a can of soda. The blonde is amazed, and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the vending machine full of more coins, and the machine keeps spitting out more cans of soda. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her, "Do you mind if I have a go?" The blonde turns and shouts, "Heck no, can't you see I'm on a winning streak!" ................................................................................ ......... When the surgeon walked in greet his blonde patient on the day after her operation, she asked him somewhat hesitantly, "How long before I can start having sex again?" "Uh, I hadn't really thought about it," admitted the stunned surgeon. "You're the first one ever to ask that question after a tonsillectomy."

The teacher was explaining human anatomy to sex education class. With her pointer, she pointed to the picture of a woman and explained, "The female has two breasts and one vagina." She then pointed to the picture of a man and explained, "The male has one penis." Little Johnny jumped up from his seat and blurted out, "That's wrong teacher." "Why do you think I'm wrong, Little Johnny?" begged the teacher. "My daddy has two of them," explained Little Johnny. "He has a three inch penis that he pees with, and a seven inch penis that he brushes the babysitter's teeth with!" ................................................................................ ......... Little Johnny and Mary were playing doctor on the back porch one day when Mary's mother happened to walk out and see them. Shocked and furious to find Little Johnny eating her out, she exclaimed, "You're gonna get a good lickin' when Daddy gets home!" Mary replied with a grin on her face, "But, Mommy, that's what Little Johnny's been doing all afternoon!" ................................................................................ ......... Little Johnny walked into a saloon and said to the barmaid, "Give me a Scotch on the rocks." "You're just a kid," replied the barmaid. "Do you wanna get me in trouble?" "Maybe in a couple of years," replied Little Johnny. "But in the meantime, gimme that Scotch."

There are only 4 more games in the season... 31/7/2004 vs Beecroft (Away) 7/8/2004 bye 14/8/2004 vs Forest (Home) 21/8/2004 vs Iggies (Home) 28/8/2004 vs Collegues (Away) Get your ass down there at the usual time. Cheers Mick

Added a new movie to my website.... Its Mark trying to destroy yet another rental car.... Video Page

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me... I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster". Gently he takes her hand and says, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee , then ..........." he sighed, "let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."

Have you all seen these.... These are absolutaley crazy Ive uploaded them temporarily on my server. Enjoy. Arabian Drifting - 4Meg Arabian Drifting gone wrong - 6Meg Cheers Mick

Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested yesterday for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena. She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition and Louella has been charged with ..... Misdewiener.

Flash game.... http://www.davidandgoliathtees.com/games/t...throwrocks.html

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from Albania, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away. The second man had married a woman from Korea. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table. The third man had married an Australian girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. Got to love them Australian girls!

An elderly Irishman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite cheese scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for here, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were dozens of his favourite cheese scones. Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Irish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, he could almost taste the cheese scone before it was in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to the nearest scone at the edge of the table, when his hand was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. . . . . . . . . . . . . " Rack off !! " she said, "they're for the funeral !!"

The things people email me I just pass it on.

This is a nasty one (Camel Toe)

A priest and a pastor from the local churches are standing by the side of the road, pounding a sign into the ground, that reads: "The End Is Near! Turn Yourself Around Now--Before It's Too Late!" As a car sped past them, the driver yelled, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!" From the curve they heard screeching tyres and a big splash. The pastor turns to the priest and asks, "Do you think the sign should just say "Bridge Out?"

CITY OF PARRAMATTA MATHEMATICS EXAM NAME ............................ GANG ............................ Time allowed 1 hour 1. If Mohamed lowers his WRX 2 inches front and back and puts on stolen 18-inch Auscar slotted wheels, how many inches has he originally lost from the stock suspension? 2. If Con needs 3 razors a day to stay clean shaved, how many razors will he need before he goes to the gym at 8.00pm? 3. If Mustaffa runs 10 km from the Police in Lidcombe to Auburn then steals a car and drives another 5 km to , how many kilometres has he travelled if he ends up hiding in Chullora Shopping Centre? 4. Phan has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an "8 ball" to Hamil for $320.00 and 2 grams to Dak Hoang for $85.00 per gram, what is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it? 5. If Darren receives $200.00 per week disability allowance from Centrelink and works for his brother as a builder and receives a further $400.00 per week and then pays $10.00 per week for each of his 11 children for school, how much money does he have left to buy a smashed Tarago from the Blacktown Wreckers? 6. If Soula needs 25 mls of wax per day to get rid of her facial hair and Soula is only 19 years old, how many mls will her mother need if she is 47? 7. Mohamed has an AK-47 with 2 x 30 round clips. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attend before he has to reload? 8. If Abdo runs a Donor Kebab shop in Wentworthville Plaza and works as a Taxi driver on weekends and earns $1,200.00 per week, how much does Centrelink give him for his job search allowance? 9. If Parramatta's ethnic community is increasing at a rate of 3.5% per month, the overall population increasing at 2.1 % per month, at what rate are the Aussies leaving? 10. Quang is pimping for three girls. If the price is $75.00 for the trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so that Quang can pay for his $200 per day crack habit? 11. If Luigi drives his family and cousins all in one car from Parramatta to Granville, how many round trips will he need to make if 40 of his relatives need a lift and he can put 12 people in his Valiant at any one given time? 12. If Mario's dad has his top 3 buttons of his shirt open and reveals 1 x golden cross and 2 other golden ornaments, and has approximately 17 sq cm of hair coming from his chest with an average length of 2 cm, what is the probability that the ornaments will be visible from: a) 2 feet away .....% B) 5 feet away .....% c) 100 feet away .....% END OF EXAM

This is terrible. Before making any commitments..... Wash her face!! Don't be dissapointed!!

Do You Know Why a Bra is Marked with A.B.C.D.E.F.G..??

Great billboards

Sayings

Actual exam answer

How to spot a rich guy

Unintentional Humor

pretty good..