Jump to content
SAU Community

Recommended Posts

hey guy,

i got this off ns.com and thought i'd share it, 2days later im still giggling at it.

Rectum stretcher

While I was driving down the Kwinana Freeway the

other day, (going a little faster than I should have

been) I passed under a bridge only to see a traffic

cop on the other side with a radar gun laying in

wait.

The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and

with that classic patronising smirk, asked: "Runway

too short?"

To which I replied,

"I'm late for work."

To which he asked, "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The traffic cop was surprised and confused. "A

what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does

a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I

work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four,

then with my whole hand in, work side to side until

I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely

stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."

Then the cop asked questioningly and cautiously,

"And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar

gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Speeding ticket: $250

Court costs: $1000

Look on traffic cop's face: Priceless!!

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/59395-rectum-stretcher/
Share on other sites

May as well add to the Christmas cheer.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on.

"It represents a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.

He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said, "you may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carol's."

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/59395-rectum-stretcher/#findComment-1133431
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


  • Latest Posts

    • I'll give it a go, it cannot hurt Although, every time I go to Bunnings for one thing, I end up with a trolley load of stuff In other stuff news, I can fit 6 x 15kg bags of Gypsum in the boot of the MX5, I could have put a few more in, but I was already pushing my comfort levels buy dropping 90kg into to boot....LOL
    • It seems to happen only when moving not stationary. It happens more frequently when reversing and turning steering wheel to the right. I MAY have found what the sound is and if it’s that I will feel so dumb since it did start happening around when I put 18” wheels. I attached the image of where there’s a scraping line to that plastic liner and the other side does not have that.
    • Is it a noise that if you turn the wheel, and hold it turned to the right, the screech continues? Or does it only occur while you're moving the steering wheel? Does it occur when stationary turning the steering wheel from centre to the right?
    • I want to also note I did lift the tire and checked for any play to see if it was a bad tie rod. It doesn't move at all.
    • Any insight will help find the issue. When I do a sharp turn to the right I hear a screeching sound coming from the front. It only happens turning Right and not Left. Steering fluid seems okay. Not sure what this part is(picture) but one side seemed "wetter" than the other. All bushing from a quick look did not seem damaged. I'll do a better look but wanted to ask here in case it helps me troubleshoot faster.
×
×
  • Create New...