Jump to content
SAU Community

Recommended Posts

hey guy,

i got this off ns.com and thought i'd share it, 2days later im still giggling at it.

Rectum stretcher

While I was driving down the Kwinana Freeway the

other day, (going a little faster than I should have

been) I passed under a bridge only to see a traffic

cop on the other side with a radar gun laying in

wait.

The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and

with that classic patronising smirk, asked: "Runway

too short?"

To which I replied,

"I'm late for work."

To which he asked, "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The traffic cop was surprised and confused. "A

what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does

a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I

work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four,

then with my whole hand in, work side to side until

I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely

stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."

Then the cop asked questioningly and cautiously,

"And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar

gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Speeding ticket: $250

Court costs: $1000

Look on traffic cop's face: Priceless!!

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/59395-rectum-stretcher/
Share on other sites

May as well add to the Christmas cheer.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on.

"It represents a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.

He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said, "you may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carol's."

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/59395-rectum-stretcher/#findComment-1133431
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


  • Latest Posts

    • After @Kinkstaah debacle, I'd never want to try and get it right 😛
    • The hood lines up with the fenders. The front bar doesn't perfectly line up with the fenders where the wheel arch is. You have to 'squeeze' the front bar 'in' as it wants to naturally flare out and be longer on the sides. There's a few threads where people notice this when they only swap a GTR style bumper and front bar. Unless you have genuine OEM items - you may be better served getting conversion kits. There are GTT bumpers to fit GTR hoods. There are GTR hoods (non genuine) to fit the GTT bracketry. MAY  
    • The real question is, on some of those wild roads they call highways, how many times did a farmer in an old ute from the early 2000s blaze past you over double lines?   Tassie is a wild and really cool place, and after doing a work related road trip there January of 24, I understand why Targa Tasmania is ran there, and is so tough to do well at! We had a brand new Camry Hybrid that handled quite nicely, and thankfully weren't in an old car, because cresting some of those hills in a 100kmh zone for it to suddenly be like "surprise f**kers, this is a recommended 30kmh hard right turn" wouldn't be pretty. We weren't racing the Camry around, but we weren't slouching in the bends either. But my lord those old farmers know their old clapped out utes, and those roads, as they were absolutely hammering it!   You're also super lucky to make it up to Mt Wellingtong this time of year. It's often road closed with snow/ice! Also, I hope you hit up Salamander Road in Hobart for some insanely good food (I highly recommend the dimly lit Irish pub for a Guiness Pie, or even the bangers and mash!!!)   How long did the Ferry take to get across? I want to do a road trip of Tas on my own time, but I get horrifically sea sick, and I don't want me on the Ferry, just the car 😛
    • So far so good, about 30km on it so far and nothing out of sorts yet thankfully
    • Look at @Kinkstaah's thread on the issue.
×
×
  • Create New...