madmurf

did they mean that didtheymeanthat.zip

Clever Adds

up for a game ??? UpForAGame.zip

Happy Easter

Little Tony Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He’d been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, “Grandma, what is that called when 2 people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?” She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. “It’s called sexual intercourse, darling.” Little Tony just said, “Oh, OK” and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, “Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It’s called Bunk Beds! and Jimmy’s Mom wants to talk to you!!”

Untypical Court Case Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age? Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old. Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st? Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me. Defense Attorney: Did you know him? Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly. Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down? Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him? Little Old Lady: No, I didn’t stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner died some 30 years ago. Defense Attorney: What happened next? Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then? Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I have! n’t felt that good in years! Defense Attorney: What happened next? Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling really “spicy” that I just laid down and told him “Take me, young man. Take me!” Defense Attorney: Did he take you? Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, “April Fool!” And that’s when I shot him, the little bastard!

You named it WHAT???????

Easter Toons

Mills and Boon Mills___Boon.pdf

13 reasons not to drink with friends 13ReasonsNottoDrinkWith.doc

Grandma's birth control pills..... The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most Of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her. As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he Realized she had a prescription for birth control pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?" "Yes, they help me sleep at night." "Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these That could possibly help you sleep!" She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks... And believe me, it helps me sleep at night." You gotta love Grandmas!

SOME REALLY CLASSIC PICS

CLASSIC GreatOfficeSigns.zip

Naked Hillbilly > >Two Indians and a Tennessee Hillbilly were walking through the woods. >All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small >cave. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"he called into the cave and listened >closely >until he heard an answering, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off >his >clothes and ran into the cave. > >The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all >about. "Was the other Indian crazy or what?" The Indian replied >"No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they >holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. ! If they get an answer >back, it means there's a beautiful woman in there waiting for us." > >Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the >cave, >stopped, and hollered, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" Immediately, there was >the >answer. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"from deep inside. He also tore off his >clothes and ran into the opening. > >The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then >spied >a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge >opening, he was thinking, "Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is >bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine >women in this cave!" He stood in front of the opening and hollered with >all >his might "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" > >Like the others, he then heard an answering call, "WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO >WOOOOOOOOO!" >With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, >tearing off his clothes as he ran. > >The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read.... > >(Are you ready for this??), > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY TRAIN > > > >============================================================

Irish Gas Station > >Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drove his new Ford >Excursion into an Irish gas station. > >An attendant greeted him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro >was. > >"Top of the mornin' to ya!" the Irishman smiled, doffing his cap. > >As Tiger got out of the mammoth vehicle, two tees fell out of his pocket. > >"So what are those, lad?" asked the attendant. > >"They're called tees," replied Tiger. > >"And what would ya be usin' 'em for, now?" inquired the Irishman. > >"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," said Tiger. > >"AW! Jaysus, Mary an'Joseph," exclaimed the Irish attendant. > >"Those fellas at FORD think of everything!"

Johnny(Manager) wanted to screw a girl(Employee) in his office.....but she belonged to someone else... One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said "I'll give you a 1000 dollars if you let me screw you...." but the girl said "NO". Johnny said "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up." She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.....so she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says "ask him for 2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down." So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks "what happened......" She said "THE BASTARD USED COINS!!!" Management lesson: ALWAYS CONSIDER A BUSINESS PROPOSAL IN ITS ENTIRETY!

Interesting Observations 1.pdf

Subject: Thomas the Tank Engine A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you b*****ds who want off, get the f**k off now, cause we're in a hurry! And all of you b*****ds who are getting on, get the f**k on, cause we're going down the tracks". The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added.........! . "For those of you who are pi**ed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat b**ch in the kitchen."

A skinny little Irish guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says in a deep voice: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown". The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to by shaking him and asks, "What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?" The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 in! ch private, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Turner Brown?... Sweet Jesus, I thought you said, 'Turn around!'"

Funnies and Illusions stickmen.zip OpticalIllusions.zip

FEMALE POEM I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen long? One who thinks before he speaks? One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I want him to be gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, be not annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind And he knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" I want this man to love me to no end, And always be my very best friend. MALE POEM I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac With huge boobs who owns a Bottle shop and a Fishing boat. I know this doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.*

Undies Safe

Guy on pushbike @172kph http://www.fazed.org/video/embed/?id=66

spot the intruder

Very Nice Bed Commodore Driver??? Not what it seems BedTooLow.zip OSRAM.zip