race_snooze

needs to go guys!!!

A fireman was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a fireman's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fireman walked over to take a closer look. 'That sure is a nice fire truck,' he said with admiration. 'Thanks' the girl replied. The fireman looked a little closer and noticed that the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. 'Little Partner,' the fireman said, 'I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster.' The girl replied thoughtfully, 'You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren.'

Fw: Beer Scooters How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking and thought 'How on earth did I get home?' As hard as you try, you can't piece together your return journey from the pub, or that party, to your house. The answer to this puzzle is that you used a Beer Scooter. The Beer Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus the Roman god of liquor. Bacchus has acquired a large batch of these magical devices. The Beer Scooter works in the following fashion:- The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness at this point the "slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors will detect this pheromone and send down a magical Beer Scooter . The scooter scoops up the passenger, and deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the second question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?' Unfortunately, Beer Scooters have a poor safety record and are said to be responsible for over 90% of all Unidentified Drinking Injuries (UDI). An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This answers a third question after a night out 'What the hell happened?' With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another and quite often lost time is regained in discussions and comparisons over a future period of time. Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom, often with horrific consequences. With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter drive-thru food chain specialising in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts. Another question answered!! For the family man, Beer Scooters come equipped with flowers picked from other people's gardens and Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house , and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins. The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is the TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get through 260 Camel No Filters in a single night. PS: Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a T-shirt.

will consider swap for Nissan Navara STR 02/03 Price drop to $20,000

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's five-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next-door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they presented her with a pay envelope containing five dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with a construction crew building a house." "My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?" The little girl replied, "I will if those useless c**ts at Bunnings ever bring us the f *cking plasterboard."

Two Aboriginals were driving their old Ford Falcon in the outback one day, when off in the distance they saw a police booze bus. One of them thinks "this is great" and heads straight for it. As they pulled up, the driver winds his window down and says "Two cans of Emu Export thanks mate!" The copper looks at him and says "You must be drunk! Get out of the car and blow into this tube for me." The driver got out of the car and said "Sorry boss, I can't blow in that. I got a letter from the doc saying I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out if I blow in that." The cop looks at him and with a bemused look and says "OK. In these cases we require you to give a blood sample". "Nah, nah, sorry boss. Can't be doin' that. I got a letter from the Red Cross saying I'm a haemophiliac and I could bleed to death. Sorry boss, can't do that," said the driver. By now the copper is getting fairly irate and finally demands a urine sample for testing. The driver looks at him and says "Sorry boss, can't do that either." The copper says "Surely you can't have a letter for that!!!" "Bloody oath mate." says the driver, "It's from the government. Says that you whites can't take the piss out of us blackfellas no more."

doh

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/Sunroofs_W0...emZ260148596999 Self install sunroof. read the comments as well

A high school teacher starts a new job at a school in Bankstown and, >>> >trying to make a good impression on her first day, explains to her >>> >class that she is a Bulldogs fan. She asks her students to raise their >>> >hands if they are Bulldogs fans. Everyone in the class raises their >>> >hand except one little girl. >>> > >>> >The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says: "Mary, why didn't >>> >>> >you raise your hand?" >>> > >>> >"Because I'm not a Bulldogs fan," she replied. >>> > >>> >The teacher, still shocked, asked: "Well, if you're not a Bulldogs fan, >>> >>> >then who are you a fan of?" >>> > >>> >"I'm a Raiders fan, and proud of it," Mary replied. >>> > >>> >The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why are you a Raiders >>> >fan?" >>> > >>> >"Because my mum and dad are from Canberra, and my mum is a Raiders fan >>> >and my dad is a Raiders fan, so I'm a Raiders fan too!" >>> > >>> >"Well," said the teacher, in an obviously annoyed tone, "that's no >>> >reason for you to be a Raiders fan. You don't have to be just like your >>> >>> >parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute, your dad >>> >was a drug addict and your brother was car thief, what would you be >>> >then?" >>> > >>> >"Then," Mary said, "I'd be a Bulldogs fan."

Citizenship test Finally a version of the Citizenship test we can all relate to: LANGUAGE 1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of, the term "died in the arse"? 2. What is a mole? 3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a U-ey? 4. Explain the following passage: "In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and a bit of biffo." CUSTOMS 1. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and having a slash? 2. Complete the following sentences: a) "If the van's rockin' don't bother ... b) You're going home in the back of a .... ) Fair suck of the ... 3. I've had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss 4. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie? 5. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard "up on blocks"? Is his name Keith and does he have a wife called Cheryl? FOOD 1. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or kai see ming? 2. What are the ingredients in a rissole? 3. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam. 4. Do you have an Aunty Myrna who is famous for her tuna mornay and other dishes involving a can of cream of celery soup? 5. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that has been nicked from a bath full of ice? 6. When you go to a bring- your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people's meat or are you only allowed to eat your own? 7. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter "b" is required by law to be included in a hamburger with the lot? CULTURE 1. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or Ugg boots? 2. Is it possible to "prang a car" while doing "circle work"? 3. Who would you like to crack on to? 4. Who is the most Australian: Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, John "True Blue" Williamson, Kylie Minogue or Warnie? 5. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have a pool? 6. Would you love to have a beer with Duncan? The people to be granted citizenship are the ones who call it a crock and cheat.

Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms. They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly. >> >> * Nike Condoms: Just do it >> >> * Toyota Condoms: Oh what a feeling >> >> * Ford Condoms: The ride of your life >> >> * Microsoft Condoms: Where do you want to go today? >> >> * Optus Condoms: Yes! >> >> * KFC Condoms: Finger Lickin' Good >> >> * M&M's Condoms: Melt in your mouth, not in your hands >> >> * Duracell Condoms: Keep going and going and going >> >> * Pringles Condoms: Once you pop you can't stop >> >> * Sydney Olympic Condoms: Share the Spirit >> >> * Hyundai Condoms: All day, every day >> >> * Tip Top Condoms: Good onya mum - (available in (Tasmania only) >> >> * Panasonic Condoms: Even more than you expected >> >> * VB Condoms: As a matter of fact, I've got one now >> >> * Swan Lager Condoms: They said you'd never make it... >> >> * Vegemite Condoms: Puts a rose in every cheek >> >> * Levi Condoms: Do you fit the legend? >> >> * Nescafe Condoms: It brings you together. >> >> * Quicken Condoms: Quicken.Easy >> >> The following brands would probably not sell very well.... >> >> * Mitsubishi Condoms: Please consider >> >> * AFL Condoms: I'd Like to See That >> >> * Goodyear Condoms: If it only saves you once a year.... >> >> * Samboy Condoms: The flavour really hits you >> >> * RTA Condoms: Speed kills >> >> * Nobby's Condoms: Nibble Nobby's Nuts >> >> * Bolle Condoms: Put them on your face >> >> * Kahlua Condoms: Drink the rhythm >> >> * Aussie Homeloans Condoms: We'll save you

have had issues with new Gel as well!! also with a spray painter in mitchel near Jakes

Actually they are Ball Bearing and BB need less time then Bush bearing to cool down and are more tolerant to quick heat and cool then bush. Some correct me if I am wrong...

yeah I am still around sometimes

I am looking for some s15 Injectors if anyone has any in good condition!!!!

thats no good Stevie mate, thats one thing I dont miss about driving my car!!!

fuel pump!!! maybe check pressures

Anyone think this was Dr Phil or something

exhaust gasket near number 6, common fault check the nuts

Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books............. "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton. One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories! His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report. Titanic:. ... cost - $29.99 Clinton: ..... cost - $29.99 Titanic: ..... Over 3 hours to read Clinton:. .... Over 3 hours to read Titanic: ..... The story of Jack and Rose , their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Clinton: ..... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe. Titanic: ..... Jack is a starving artist. Clinton: ..... Bill is a bullshit artist. Titanic: .... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar. Clinton: ..... Ditto for Bill. Titanic: ..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined. Clinton: ..... Ditto for Monica. Titanic: ..... Jack teaches Rose to spit. Clinton: ..... Let's not go there. Titanic: ..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry. Clinton: .... Monica' s forced to return her gifts. Titanic: ..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life. Clinton: ..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack. Titanic: ..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen. Clinton:. .... Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either. Titanic: ..... Jack surrenders to an icy death. Clinton: ..... Bill goes home to Hilary - basically the same thing.

cool good stuff

the java script thing you gave doesnot work

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple is still waiting. As they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?" After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a LAWYER!

lol Mick thats his boost

dont know I havent spoken to them for... well since I took my car off the road lol..