Kero

This is what you call big!

City Rail Game

Why men don't design Christmas wrapping paper

A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and Firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but Hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, see them and they make you cry." This infuriated the wife and daughter, so the daughter said "Mum, how many kind of penises are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles, and looks at her husband and answers, Well, dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, his penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it's like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dead from the root up & the balls are there for decoration only."

Headline News, BUSH IS DEAD. Breaking News courtesy of CNN

Oldie.... How To Clean Your Toilet - The Fun Way 1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid. 4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse". 6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. 8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off. 9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean. Sincerely, Dog

continued

Explain this to your insurance co.

Now, don't spend all day with this game. It's very addictive....This is a REDNECK VIDEO GAME Use your left mouse button. http://www.shockhaber.com/zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.htm

I prefer the Ghostrider series or movies (number two is the best) and number 3 has been just released. http://www.ghostridermovie.net/ INASNT have a look around shareconnector

Your wife decides to go out with her friends drinking and dancing...... You're okay with it, because you get to watch sports all night. You hear her stumble into bed around 4. You wake up next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which she used last night. You are happy to see it all in one piece. But ......, Wait a minute ...

Male Blonde Joke

An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed. As soon as he got through the door at home his wife started on him about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?" and on and on. Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub... pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks. While he was in the bath the phone rang, which the wife answered and was told that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all. Finally realizing what a day he must have had, she decided to go up upstairs to give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door she was greeted by the sight of her husband's rear end as he was bent over naked drying his legs and feet. "They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said. He whirled around and screamed , "For crying out loud, Woman, don't you ever stop!?"

Funnies

Give me Strength

Fire Hazard

She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT. She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE. She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED. She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES. She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION. She does not GAIN WEIGHT - She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER. She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. She is not TOO SKINNY - She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT. She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE - She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE. She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS - She is ATHLETICALLY IGNORANT. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME - She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE. She does not GO SHOPPING - She is MALL FLUENT. She is not an AIR HEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. She does not get FAT or CHUBBY - She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY. She is not COLD or FRIGID - She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE. She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP - She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE

...Five days after election day, the 2004 presidential election was still too close to call... Neither Bush nor Kerry had enough votes to win the election. Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the final winner. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the manly way to settle things. The candidate who catches the most fish at the end of the week wins. The contest would take place on a remote and cold lake in Alaska. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification. At the end of the first day, Kerry returns to the starting line and he has 10 fish. Soon, Bush returns and has zero fish. Well, everyone assumes he is just having another bad hair day, or something, and hopefully he will catch up the next day. At the end of the 2nd day Kerry comes in with 20 fish and Bush comes in again with none. That evening, Dick Cheney gets together secretly with Bush and says, "I think Kerry is a lowlife cheatin' son-of-a-bitch. I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way." The next night, after Kerry comes back with 50 fish, Cheney says to Bush, "Well, what about it -- is Kerry cheatin?'" "He sure the hell is," Bush says. "The son-of-a-bitch is cuttin' holes in the ice!"

Today's survival tip - Next time you are too drunk to drive, Walk to the nearest Pizza Hut, Place an order, and when they go to deliver it, Catch a ride home!

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy a ticket and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers buy no tickets at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please."

President's in drag!

Reasons not to get drunk

Stripper - Open when alone

Here is a link to details of all the fatz drift training days next year.... http://www.cs-technologies.com.au/kero/drift.html

Stretches you can do at your desk...