Frunknmont

A chicken farmer went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a woman patron and orders a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne too!" He turned to her and said, "What a coincidence. This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating." "This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!" says the woman. "What a coincidence." says the man. They clinked glasses and he asked, "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant!" "What a coincidence, says the man. I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile." "That's great! says the woman, how did your chickens become fertile?" "I switched ****s." he replied. "What a coincidence," she said.

WHY IT IS GREAT TO BE A GUY! Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. Your orgasms are real. Always. Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow. Wedding plans take care of themselves. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You can wear a white shirt to a water park. Foreplay is optional. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. The world is your urinal. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky. Same work... more pay. Wrinkles add character. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. Wedding Dress $2000, Tux rental $100. Princess Die’s death was just another obituary. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. Porn movies are designed with you in mind. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them. One mood, all the time - horny

A young newly wed couple wanted to join a church. The reverend told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one whole month." The couple agreed and after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying and the husband obviously very depressed. "You are back so soon... Is there a problem?" the Reverend inquired. "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month...." the young man replied sadly. The Reverend asked him what happened. "Well, the first week was difficult.... However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain." "However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible.... anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon, my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and had my Way with her right then and there." Admitted the man, shamefacedly. "You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the Reverend. "We know." said the young man, hanging his head. "We're not welcome at Bunnings either."

Arrrgh Completed all the missions on the weekend and then last night I decided to start from the start again and I went and saved over the finished game file:( No I have no choice but to do it all over again ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH

Had to go through about 75% of the missions to get the harrier.Is well worth it. Also an answer to a previous question regarding the hookers. If you pull up next to one and honk the horn,they will ask if your looking for a good time. When they ask that press the right d-pad button, now the should jump in and you can drive off somewhere quiet to test the suspention:D

Just got through a monster session with the little black box over the weekend. This game just gets better and better. Unlocked a Harrier jet. So cool you can do the vertical take off with it. It doesnt have guns but it does have lock on missles. And its too bad my luck in the casions in the game doesnt really carry into real life:( Would be good to make Crown pay me for once

Got 2 15km speeding fines about 10 years ago in my old crappy '74 Corona. How it could get over the limit is still a mystery to me :burnout:

There are a couple of new helicopters at the airport in Las Venturas or if you check in the rivers around the dam you will find the seaspray helicopter from Vice City:) Also in Las Venturas find the big pointy building in downtown at the front of it is a sign that says no base jumping near that sign is a door which takes you up to the top of the building where there is a parachute waiting.

Yeah that would be the name of it. There is also a James Bond style jet pack available after completing the airstrip missions

Seen that R32/34 lookalike, have also seen a GT40 lookalike aswell. Just wait till you unlock the other areas of the game There is so many different vehicles now you can fly lear jet style planes there is a heap of different helicopters even a WW2 style fighter and you can even get a parachute and bail mout of the planes and do a bit of skydiving.Go to the Vegas style city and do some gambling.Been playing it all weekend and still finding new stuff all the time. It is one awsome game

Just been looking around for some new tyres and I just wanted to know if anybody here has an opinion on yokohama c-drive's for $220 a tyre also what are peoples opinion of Bob Jane T-Marts are they any good or is there anybody else east of Melb that is better and does the interest free deal

Thanks Robo's Take it easy over the spark plugs area anywhere else that needs to be avoided? Last thing I want to do is stuff anything up. Just want to get a clean engine bay

Hey all, my engine bay is a little on the dirty side so this weekend I was thinking of getting some degreaser and borrow a pressure sprayer ang give it a clean up. Before I do it but I just want to ask around and see if anybody has done this and if its ok to do or will it cause some probs in the engine? :cheers;

or you can check it out here http://www.notam02.no/~hcholm/altlang/ht/English.html

I agree that it was a tragedy. More so than that it was just a waste.Now as a consequence the rest of the import community will be targeted even more unfairly than what we have to put with now. Hooning isn’t a new problem, ever since there has been cars there have been hoons. It is a problem that has been around for a lot longer than any of us. It is not just a modern day problem and it is also just not specific to one make or model of car. A hoon is a hoon whether they are in a modded Skyline or a Kia. Its not about what they drive its mentality. When something like this happens it is a tragedy for all involved from friends and family to the emergency servicees who are left to clean up the mess. The media in its never ending quest for ratings and governments in their quest for votes then use situations like these to futher there own agendas. This is where it must change. All the groups must come together, put aside differences and agendas and have an honest discussion about what can be done to help with this situation. There are no easy answers, no simple solutions, but through communication surely something could come out of it that would begin to help the problem. All the knee jerk reactions that follow a tradegy such as this do nothing to solve the problem. A power restriction- as if a hoon will care about that, also you can do just as much damage in a low powered vehicle, curfews- same as before to the hard core hoon little things such as laws are not going to stop them. Education looks to be the best solution but even that will not be effective in all cases, there are some people that no matter what will just not change their minds. There are a lot of other ideas but none will work on there own. It needs to be a long term effort not just a quick fix and it also needs input from all parties, motorists, police and government alike. The one thing that is not needed anymore is the medias sensationalism of these incidents. All they do is give the public an even more distorted view if the import car community

Nobodey ever wants to shom me box:(

Had me a huntsman in the door seal last week. Was on my way to work and stopped at the shops to get some brekky, open my door and there he was about 1 cm from my hand on the edge of the door. Dont know what it is but I didn't freek, had my keys in my hand still so I used them to flick him off the car. And he flew straight on to the navara ute parked next to me I wonder if that driver ever found the spider.

Another option is to see your panelbeater explain the circumstances to them that the other driver was at fault and wont pay, some panel beaters have a debt recovery service with thier own lawyers and stuff so you dont have to spend any more time getting agro or forking out for your own lawyer. They do all the hard work for you and one way or another they will get thier money out of the guy

Sweet that be just around the corner from where I am

Just been giving this game a bit of a thrashin in the ps2. Gotta say the Endor level is my fave. Play as the empire and kill me some ewoks :wassup: Anybody else tried out this game?

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And, B-U-L-L-S-H-*-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. A-*-*-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118% So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that while HARD WORK and KNOWLEDGE will get you close and, ATTITUDE will get you there, BULLSH*T and A** KISSING will put you over the top

Explanation of Marketing You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say "i'm fantastic in bed" That's Direct Marketing You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says "she's fantastic in bed" That's Advertising You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say "hi, i'm fantastic in bed" That's Telemarketing You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say "may i" and reach and straighten his tie while brushing your breast lightly against his arm and then say "by the way, i'm fantastic in bed" That's Public Relations You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says "i hear your fantastic in bed" That's Brand Recognition You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend That's a Sale Rep Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you That's Tech Support Your on the way to a party when realise that there could be a handsome man in all the houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one house situated towards the centre and shout at the top of your lungs "i'm fantastic in bed" That's Spam

One day, when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word "p***s" in tiny letters. She turned to the class, scanned the boys and girls, looking for the guilty face. Finding not a guilty face in the bunch, she quickly erased the blackboard and began her class. The next day, the teacher went into the classroom and noticed, in larger letters this time, the word "p***s" on the blackboard. Again, she looked around the classroom in vain for the culprit, but found none. And so, the teacher erased the blackboard and proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning, for about a week, the teacher went into the classroom and found the same word written on the blackboard, each day, written larger than the previous day. Finally, one day, the teacher walked into the classroom expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board. Instead, she found scrawled on the blackboard: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"

Thanks Waz just one more thing, can having the gap too small do any damage?