New Victorian Road Rules

[navdan]

Heard these crackers on 3AW Breakfast with Ross Stevenson and John Burns this morning.

The Real Road Rules

Ross & John have decided to re-write the Victorian road rules. We all know the rules, but there are the rules as written and then there are the rules we all drive-by.

Alternative Road Rules

1a) If you are approaching a major thoroughfare from a side street- you must stop completely and look to your right. Once you've ascertained that there is oncoming traffic - pull out in front of it;

b) having done so - turn right almost immediately

c) after turning right - only after the turn is complete should you turn on your indicator

d) if there is only one car coming followed by 3 kilometres of space behind them - pull out in front of them

2 a) The driver of a white van is able to do whatever he or she wants at any time

b) It is compulsory for all white van drivers to tailgate all other vehicles

c) White vans are obligated to drive without headlights on foggy mornings

3) If on a duel carriageway you find that you are travelling slower than other traffic - you must immediately divert into the right-hand lane. The right hand lane is designed to accommodate slow vehicles

4. Trucks must pull out into the right hand lane to overtake other vehicles - even if they are only going one kilometre per year faster

5. Under no circumstances are you to stop of a stationary tram

6. Always speed up and do not stop at a round-about

7. When joining a freeway from an onramp - reach your maximum speed and do not look over your shoulder to view oncoming traffic. Then when you reach then end of that feeder lane - slam on your brakes and come to a complete stop

8. Red lights are an indication from authorities that two more cars are permitted through the intersection

9. When stationary behind a learner driver at a red traffic light it's compulsory to toot said driver if he hesitates for half a millisecond when the light changes to green.

10. If there is no room to enter an intersection - when the light turns amber it is compulsory for you to drive into it and stop in the middle

11. A food transport vehicle has the same rights as an emergency service vehicle

12. It is permissible to go through a red light - but only if you go through it at a greater speed than you would go through a green light

13. If you are the driver of at 4WD you must attempt to do a U-turn at a busy shopping strip or narrow street

14. Never ever acknowledge a person who lets you in while driving. Negative gestures allowed at any time

15. Cyclists are able to go through red lights

16. It is not necessary to attempt to conceal usage of your mobile phone providing you vary your speed between 100 kph and 40 kph

17 a) these rules do not apply to taxi drivers

b) It is illegal to have a street directory in a taxi

18. When merging with an adjoining traffic lane never allow a car in front of you and hand signals are a must

19. If two cars reach an intersection at the same time in the same direction - one turning left, one turning right - in order to view oncoming traffic for their relevant turns, both vehicles must take it in turns to move one foot at a time to get a greater view of the traffic

20. Rubberneck Rule - no matter how insignificant and mundane the distraction - All drivers must slow down to look at it

Rules currently under consideration:

When you see blue and red flashing lights - blockade vehicle and do not let it past

Motorcyclists have no rules

Regardless of time of day and the weather conditions, black or grey cars should keep lights off at all times

Never slow down for a pedestrian crossing

It is permissible to stop in a clear way during peak hour if picking up or dropping off passengers

If you are a truck driver it is your right to tailgate anyone in any lane travelling at any speed

If you have 12 minutes to spare, you can listen to them HERE

Edited June 6, 2008 by rexdan

[scotty014]

they are great i especially agree with the white van ones and the truck ones i hate it when they pull ou to overtake someone especially up a hill .

on another note what are you doing listening to 3AW must be a station you begin to listen to when you get older i wonder what the age limit is when you decide to turn that dial in the opposite direction. lol just messing with ya .i dont even have the radio in my car.

[Kaz200]

they forgot one!

FOG lights should be used at all times, even in clear conditions, especially if you drive an Excel.

[joeyjoejoejuniorshabadoo]

i farkin HATE those excell rear fog lights!

[eMsta]

ahahahahha - white vans.......ahahhahhahaha

[Phatboy]

Watched vintage Top Gear again tonight... anyone see the hilarious competition where they were in white vans and had to tailgate the car in front of them as closely as possible?!?!

Jeremy got -6 mm ROFL. Go and watch it if you missed it.

[Boostgirl]

They forgot another one..... any young female P plater MUST display a LARGE playboy bunny sticker on the rear window, & display the unique skill of having the music blaring, be able to paint nails, talk on the mobile & drive at the same time whilst never ever indicating under any circumstances......

They must also take 3 attemps to park & still get it wrong

[adznight]

i farkin HATE those excell rear fog lights!

Ditto man!

[cosmokram3r]

How did u remember all of that from listening to it on the radio? lol..

Nice ones tho

[SK8TD-32]

im pretty sure someone forgot the almighty muzz craze with there fluffy dice cubes

haha