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A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He

says to her,

"Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?

"Are you nuts? !!" She replies, and keeps walking away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before

she does.

"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks

again.

"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"

So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again.

"Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?"

She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm, $10,000 dollars, eh?

Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."

So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal

the

most perfect breasts in the world.

As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts caressing them,

fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in

them, but not biting them.

The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, "Well? Are you gonna bite

them or not?"

"Nah", he replies. "Costs too much..."

WOMEN ARE EVIL BY NATURE

>>

>> A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...She

>>gestured

>>

>> alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She

>>

>> seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to

>>hers.

>>

>> As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

>>

>>

>>

>> "Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with

>>both

>>

>> hands.

>>

>>

>>

>> "Actually, no," he replied.

>>

>>

>>

>> "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said,

>>running

>>

>> her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

>>

>>

>>

>> "I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything

>>I

>>

>> can do?"

>>

>>

>>

>> "Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued,

>>running

>>

>> her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a

>>

>> couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck

>>them

>>

>> gently.

>>

>>

>>

>> "What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

>>

>>

>>

>> "Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap,

>>or

>>

>> paper towels in the ladies room."

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part

of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring

back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and

gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's

like this

- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my

left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried

with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with

her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still

nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too,

first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it

between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"

The old man replied, "Yep. None of us could get the jar open".

CUSTOMER CREDIT CARD SERVICE Just take note this may happen to you. !!

Be sure to cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died last January, and ANZ bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.

The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to ANZ:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

ANZ: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

ANZ: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

ANZ: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

ANZ: "Excuse me?"

Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you . . . The part about her being dead?"

ANZ: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor." (Supervisor gets on the phone):

Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

ANZ: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

ANZ: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"

Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)

ANZ: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given) After they get the fax: ANZ: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."

Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."

ANZ: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."

Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"

ANZ: "That might help."

Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, 1249 Sydney Rd, Plot Number

69."

ANZ: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

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    • Yeah, that's fine**. But the numbers you came up with are just wrong. Try it for yourself. Put in any voltage from the possible range and see what result you get. You get nonsense. ** When I say "fine", I mean, it's still shit. The very simple linear formula (slope & intercept) is shit for a sensor with a non-linear response. This is the curve, from your data above. Look at the CURVE! It's only really linear between about 30 and 90 °C. And if you used only that range to define a curve, it would be great. But you would go more and more wrong as you went to higher temps. And that is why the slope & intercept found when you use 50 and 150 as the end points is so bad halfway between those points. The real curve is a long way below the linear curve which just zips straight between the end points, like this one. You could probably use the same slope and a lower intercept, to move that straight line down, and spread the error out. But you would 5-10°C off in a lot of places. You'd need to say what temperature range you really wanted to be most right - say, 100 to 130, and plop the line closest to teh real curve in that region, which would make it quite wrong down at the lower temperatures. Let me just say that HPTuners are not being realistic in only allowing for a simple linear curve. 
    • I feel I should re-iterate. The above picture is the only option available in the software and the blurb from HP Tuners I quoted earlier is the only way to add data to it and that's the description they offer as to how to figure it out. The only fields available is the blank box after (Input/ ) and the box right before = Output. Those are the only numbers that can be entered.
    • No, your formula is arse backwards. Mine is totally different to yours, and is the one I said was bang on at 50 and 150. I'll put your data into Excel (actually it already is, chart it and fit a linear fit to it, aiming to make it evenly wrong across the whole span. But not now. Other things to do first.
    • God damnit. The only option I actually have in the software is the one that is screenshotted. I am glad that I at least got it right... for those two points. Would it actually change anything if I chose/used 80C and 120C as the two points instead? My brain wants to imagine the formula put into HPtuners would be the same equation, otherwise none of this makes sense to me, unless: 1) The formula you put into VCM Scanner/HPTuners is always linear 2) The two points/input pairs are only arbitrary to choose (as the documentation implies) IF the actual scaling of the sensor is linear. then 3) If the scaling is not linear, the two points you choose matter a great deal, because the formula will draw a line between those two points only.
    • Nah, that is hella wrong. If I do a simple linear between 150°C (0.407v) and 50°C (2.98v) I get the formula Temperature = -38.8651*voltage + 165.8181 It is perfectly correct at 50 and 150, but it is as much as 20° out in the region of 110°C, because the actual data is significantly non-linear there. It is no more than 4° out down at the lowest temperatures, but is is seriously shit almost everywhere. I cannot believe that the instruction is to do a 2 point linear fit. I would say the method I used previously would have to be better.
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