BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN CANBERRA
1. Indicators will give away your next move. A real Canberra driver
never uses them.
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you
and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space,
putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of
getting hit.
4. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that
your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake
pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch
your legs.
5. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and
apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.
6. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even
someone changing a tyre.
7. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially 4WD
drivers.
8. Learn to swerve abruptly. Canberra is the home of High-Speed Slalom
Driving thanks to the Urban services, which puts potholes in key
locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes, not
forgetting the 'Test your skill' chicanes in suburbs.
9. It is traditional in Canberra to honk your horn at cars that don't
move the instant the light changes.
10. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left
before proceeding.
11. Remember that the goal of every Canberra driver is to get there
first, by whatever means necessary.
12. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously
listed rules. It is an acceptable practice to increase your speed in comparison to the rate of rain fall, i.e.: the harder it rains, the faster you go.
13. There is a commonly held belief in Canberra that high-speed
tailgating in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked
along in the slipstream of the car in front.
14. It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and buses
because, hell - they have brakes.
15. While using Canberra roundabouts, particularly two lane roundabouts,
ENSURE that you are in the left lane to turn right, or the right to turn
left, hell lets keep those people in those other lanes on their toes.
16. If you are an Action bus driver, you must win at all costs, getting
to your destination prior to any other driver is life and death. Never
worry about your passengers bouncing round in the back like tennis
balls, hell it's a cheap form of theme park, in fact Canberra's very
own.
17. Canberra Cabs, see rule 16, except you are now qualifying for the
GMC 400.
18. Pedestrian crossings... What are they?
19. Public servants have no road rules.
20. If you are a cyclist, remember YOU ARE INVINCIBLE, you are stronger
than ANY vehicle travelling at speed, MAKE SURE you take the whole lane
for yourself, and at night NEVER use lights, remember They Will See You!