The International Council Of Manlaws

[gts25t4door]

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.

© After wrecking your boss's car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally

killed and eaten by his mates.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend

out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off

limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is

forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No bloke shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for

another bloke. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is

strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of

the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the

weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may

ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's

playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought

her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of

flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're

sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model

and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed

to kick another bloke in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see

anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as

spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to

drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must

remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of

pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking

about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of

yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting

weights:

a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!

b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a toilet unless you are on equal footing:

i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other

situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you

need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer

than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.

Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"

have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird

and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the

discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable

for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,

orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for

Christmas?"

with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of

story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's

Gymnastics.

Ever.

29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you

really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you

informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with his mates, being

assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are

you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with his mates smelling

of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the

ass and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty!"

[Oblivion]

29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you

really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you

informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with his mates, being

assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are

you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with his mates smelling

of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the

ass and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty!"

bahahahahaha

the best ever!!!

[dangerous_daveo]

#24 Gold. (note not 'thats gold' as if I see another 10yo watching footy do that as soon as the camera is on them, I'm going to rip the arms off using the wrong end of a dessert spoon)

[WazR32GTSt]

ha ha gold!

i would only say that it is NEVER ok to kick another man in the balls, contrary to the above, but otherwise 100% gold!

[Dantay]

hahaha, needs more metro bashing tho

[Nismo_Boy]

hahaha, needs more metro bashing tho

:laughing-smiley-014:

Metro's are nice people... leave us alone

[markimak]

:laughing-smiley-014:

Metro's are nice people... leave us alone

bahaha joshwa...

#24 and the last ones ftw..

UR NEXT FATTY bahaha

[shanef]

bahahaha funny sheit

[Rhinorebel]

#24 Gold. (note not 'thats gold' as if I see another 10yo watching footy do that as soon as the camera is on them, I'm going to rip the arms off using the wrong end of a dessert spoon)

I dunno Dave..... I think a lot of 10 year olds could take you....... you are kinda scrawny.....

[Rhinorebel]

ha ha gold!

i would only say that it is NEVER ok to kick another man in the balls, contrary to the above, but otherwise 100% gold!

I don't know..... some of my best work has involved a kick to the groin area. But only in situations where I am faced with more than one assailant.

[dangerous_daveo]

I dunno Dave..... I think a lot of 10 year olds could take you....... you are kinda scrawny.....

Yeah, but 2 things. 1 you have never seen me armed with the blunt end of a spoon, and 2. I can run faster

I've also just realised #26 is quite funny. Have a look at a lot of the current 'manly' cars and their colour options

[gts25t4door]

I got this from an email sent around work, so I thought I would share it with you all. Glad to see I am not the only one who thought it was funny.

[Oblivion]

I don't know..... some of my best work has involved a kick to the groin area. But only in situations where I am faced with more than one assailant.

pfft if they are stupid enough to want a fight then they are stupid enough to get a kick in the groan, if they stay up then they get a punch in the throat, it may be cheap, but i dont give shite

Yeah, but 2 things. 1 you have never seen me armed with the blunt end of a spoon, and 2. I can run faster

I've also just realised #26 is quite funny. Have a look at a lot of the current 'manly' cars and their colour options

i have....he cant devour weatbix faster then any man alive, so i hate to see what he would do doing damage with it.

touche about the colours...sif you'd want a purple car, or sky blue.....

[markimak]

weetbix rohan.. ur spelling hurts my eyes.. and u dnt need an 18mm spanner

[markimak]

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable

for her to drive yours.

LOL they cant drive manual.. i let my 16yo at the time ex drive my GTR..

[Oblivion]

weetbix rohan.. ur spelling hurts my eyes.. and u dnt need an 18mm spanner

pfft...sif i eat the bix...

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable

for her to drive yours.

LOL they cant drive manual.. i let my 16yo at the time ex drive my GTR..

dude thats sad that you would let a girl that young drive your car let alone a female.....*runs and hides*

[markimak]

pfft...sif i eat the bix...

dude thats sad that you would let a girl that young drive your car let alone a female.....*runs and hides*

SCHOOL GIRLS FTW.. bahaha.. well she drove it into the driveway up and down..i had to get the liberty out.. and i cbf driving the GTR out.. turning off and driving lib out and parking and driving GTR back in.. she can help me..

NEXT GTR I GET ROHAN WILL HAVE POWER.. and will smoke space savers in reverse on all 4 wheels.