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A joke for the day

Tosh

By Tosh,
in New South Wales

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Kero Mentor

Kero

Posted
Posted

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the groin.

Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said "How bad is it doc?.....I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancé is still a virgin - in every way."

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it altogether; ...an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched these."

He immediately drops his pants and replies,......

"Look at this, ...still in the CRATE!"

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Frunknmont Experienced

Frunknmont

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Posted

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not

produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to

feel the pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This

stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were

about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven

knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the

toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a

shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves

had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his

frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into

hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the

broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He

opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas

tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it

a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me

to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas

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