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Rectum Stretcher

Veilside R33

By Veilside R33,
in Australian Capital Territory

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Veilside R33 Veteran

Veilside R33

Posted
Posted

hey guy,

i got this off ns.com and thought i'd share it, 2days later im still giggling at it.

Rectum stretcher

While I was driving down the Kwinana Freeway the

other day, (going a little faster than I should have

been) I passed under a bridge only to see a traffic

cop on the other side with a radar gun laying in

wait.

The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and

with that classic patronising smirk, asked: "Runway

too short?"

To which I replied,

"I'm late for work."

To which he asked, "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The traffic cop was surprised and confused. "A

what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does

a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I

work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four,

then with my whole hand in, work side to side until

I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely

stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."

Then the cop asked questioningly and cautiously,

"And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar

gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Speeding ticket: $250

Court costs: $1000

Look on traffic cop's face: Priceless!!

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https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/59395-rectum-stretcher/
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OZR32GTR Collaborator

OZR32GTR

Posted
Posted

May as well add to the Christmas cheer.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on.

"It represents a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.

He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said, "you may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carol's."

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