Jump to content
SAU Community

Recommended Posts

hey guy,

i got this off ns.com and thought i'd share it, 2days later im still giggling at it.

Rectum stretcher

While I was driving down the Kwinana Freeway the

other day, (going a little faster than I should have

been) I passed under a bridge only to see a traffic

cop on the other side with a radar gun laying in

wait.

The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and

with that classic patronising smirk, asked: "Runway

too short?"

To which I replied,

"I'm late for work."

To which he asked, "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The traffic cop was surprised and confused. "A

what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does

a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I

work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four,

then with my whole hand in, work side to side until

I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely

stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."

Then the cop asked questioningly and cautiously,

"And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar

gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Speeding ticket: $250

Court costs: $1000

Look on traffic cop's face: Priceless!!

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/59395-rectum-stretcher/
Share on other sites

May as well add to the Christmas cheer.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on.

"It represents a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.

He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said, "you may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carol's."

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/59395-rectum-stretcher/#findComment-1133431
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


  • Latest Posts

    • I've searched fairly extensively among Japanese websites but found nothing really like those skirts in your photo. The closest I got was Origin Labo side skirts however they look more 'complete' in that they have a finishing piece or tab at the rear of the skirt so it blends into the bodywork, unlike the one in your pic. For that reason I'd say the skirts in your pic could be adapted from another car and they didn't include that tab piece, or those skirts aren't copied from an existing skirt but an original design. Sorry I can't help out in regard to ID'ing/sourcing them
    • Wonder if JB Weld sponsored the event lol
    • There's a big difference between a car built with millions of dollars in R&D, and someone like yourself taking a normal sporty road car, and making it 5 times more powerful. At the same time, get a modern sports car, and you can turn them up towards the 1000hp mark a lot easier too. Also, give that Lambo another 20 odd runs, and chances are it too may break something.
    • There isn’t really a cheap upgrade here. If someone made a decent, bolt in 6 speed that holds some grunt, it would do very well. The 5 speeds suck. You can put a - OSG 5 speed gear set into it. Ratios are tall so it zaps the “zing” out of it. Had one, busted it. - PPG 5 speed gear set synchro or dog’s. Ratios are even taller. - An overpriced Getrag. Nice to drive, expensive to source now. - A sequential of some sort. Expensive, very expensive. How many times do you pop a 5 speed before you throw the toys out of the cot?  
    • Yes, fair call. I don't have any special love for super/hyper cars but it was impressive to watch the Lambo line up against successive skylines without any problem at all. 
×
×
  • Create New...