sloazr33

My kit arrived toay... woohoo Sydneykid thanks for all your time and effort doing this and answering questions.

Sorry to hear it mate, dam thieving pricks! Hope you get it back.

Two blokes are pushing their shopping trolleys around Woolies when they collide. The first one says to the second , "Sorry mate, I'm looking for me missus, and I wasn't paying attention to where I was going". The second bloke says, " Ah, no worries, I'm looking for mine too. I can't find her anywhere". The first bloke says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like"? The second one says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, big knockers and is wearing short blue shorts and a tank top. What does your wife look like"? The first one says, " Ah, doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."

A man went into an urologist and told him he was having a problem. He was unable to get his penis erect. The doctor checked him out then told him that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a previous viral infection and that there was nothing he could actually do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he is willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of implanting muscle tissues from an elephant's trunk into his penis. The man thought about it a while. The thought of going through life without ever experiencing sex again was just too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it. A few weeks after the operation he was given the green light to go and try out his newly renovated equipment. As a result he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt a strong stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely painful. To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his penis sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to his trousers. His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her face said, "That was incredible! Can you do it again?" With tears in his eyes he replied, "I think I can, but I'm not sure if another bread roll will fit up my arse!

is this the one? The Sky Is The Limit

the guy is simark87 (Mark) his email is in his post (#52) in this thread-->turbotech boost controller its better to email him rather than sending him a pm.

heater hoses?

Hey SK, have sent you a pm.

I sent an email to Mark on a thursday and got a reply on the following tuesday. delivery was quick for me, payed on tuesday, received on thursday.

meh

page pwnage

How to give a worming tablet to a cat. 1. Gently pick your cat up, and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as you would a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb either side of the cats jaw and gently apply pressure. When the cat opens it's mouth, pop in the pill. Close the cats mouth, and allow it to swallow. 2. Pick up the pill from the floor, and get the cat from behind the sofa. Cradle cat in left arm again, and repeat the process. 3. Retrieve the cat from the bedroom, and throw away the soggy pill. 4. Take a new pill from the foil wrapping, cradle cat tightly in left arm whilst holding the cats rear paws tightly with your left hand. Force the little bastard's jaw open and push pill to the back of its throat with right forefinger. Hold shut the cats mouth for a count of 10. 5. Retrieve the pill from the goldfish bowl and the cat from the top of the wardrobe. Call in the partner from the garden. 6. Kneel on the floor with the cat wedged tightly between your knees. Hold the front & rear paws ignoring the low growls emitted by the trapped cat. Get spouse to hold the cats head firmly with one hand, whilst forcing a wooden ruler between the cats clenched teeth. Drop the pill down the ruler into the cats throat, and rub the cats throat vigorously. 7. Retrieve cat from the curtain rail, get another pill whilst making a note to buy a stronger ruler and to repair curtains & rail.Carefully sweep up the shattered figurines, vases & Wedgwood from the hearth and set to one side for gluing later. 8. Wrap cat in large towel, and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just visible beneath his/her armpit. Stick pill on the end of a drinking straw, force the cats mouth open with a pencil, stick the straw deep into the cats mouth and blow hard down the straw. 9. Check the label on the pills to make sure they are not harmful to humans & drink 1 glass of beer to take the taste away. Apply Band-Aid and savlon to spouses forearm & remove bloodstains from the carpet with cold water & soap. 10. Retrieve the cat from the neighbours shed, get another pill & open another beer. Place the cat in kitchen cupboard, and close the door on its neck leaving its head showing. Force open the cats mouth with a dessert spoon & shoot the pill down its throat with a rubber band. 11. Get screwdriver from garage & put cupboard door back on its hinges. Drink another beer. Pour stiff shot of scotch & drink. Apply cold compress to wounds and disinfect. Toss back another stiff slug, throw tattered shirt away, and get new one from bedroom. 12. Ring the fire brigade to retrieve the frigging cat from the tree next door & apologise to neighbour who crashed their car whilst swerving to avoid the stupid bleeding moggy as it hared across the road. Take the last pill from the foil wrapping. 13. Tie the little bastards front paws to its rear paws with garden twine and bind it tightly to the leg of the dining table. Find heavy duty thorn proof leather gardening gloves from the shed. Force open the bastards mouth, and push pill deep into the cats mouth followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it! Hold its head vertically, and pour 2 pints of water down its effing throat to wash the pill down 14. Consume remainder of scotch whilst your partner drives you to Accident & Emergency. Sit quietly while doctor stitches your wounds & removes the remnants of the pill from your right eye. Stop by furniture shop on the way home to order new 3 piece & dining suite. 15. Buy a dog! 16. How to give a dog a pill????????? 17. Wrap it in bacon!

IS IT FRIDAY YET ?? .... THE NEW AUSTRALIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM Australians all let us rejoice The weekend now is near We've worked all bloody week for this Dear God let's get a beer. Our desks abound in paperwork Our hands are stained with ink In desperate stage, we'll fly the cage Advance to Friday drinks!! With joyful strains, destroy our brains Advaaance to Friiiiday drinks!

Seven types of sex. The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face. The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen. The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom. The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you". The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone. The 6th kind is called Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. OOPS. Don't forget the 7th kind of sex - Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to live on.

haha - poetic justice

is your friend.. you should try it! AVWG <--- took all of 5 seconds, anyway here it is ---> Australian Vehicle Warranty Group

what a mess.... hope teh emu is ok

LIFE SUPPORT While watching the Cricket the other night my wife and I were discussing life and death. I told her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and relying on fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." She promptly got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my beer. Some days I hate being married to a smart bitch.

Ooops, wrong answer WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? HUSBAND: Definitely not! WIFE: Why not? Don't you like being married? HUSBAND: Of course I do. WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry? HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again. WIFE: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face). HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: Would you live in our house? HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house. WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed? HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep? WIFE: Would you let her drive my car? HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new. WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers? HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs? HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed. WIFE: - - - silence - - - HUSBAND: F*ck

lol, you couldn't have a picked a worse time to do that hey. i wonder if "sorry officer was just trying to get out of the blast radius" wolud be acceptable..

what sh*ts me? people who don't check their brake lights are in working order!!! wtf...fark he's braking....fark....fark.... phew...stopped in time. wo0t

different guards maybe? highly unlikey but ya never know.. have you swapped the front rims over to see if the result is different/same?