Actually heard that one ^^^ on the radio the other day.
Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A : 2 but the real question is, how did they get in the light bulb in the first place.
Q: What do you call a man with 100 rabbits up his arse?
A : Warren.
John lost his eye in an unfortunate accident and couldn't afford the price of a glass eye. So he carved one out of wood, But he was so self-conscious that he never left the house.
Finally, his friend Dave came over and forced him to go out. "There's a dance over at the club," he said. "So what if one of your eyes is made out of wood?"
"All right," said John, "but if anybody makes fun of my eye I'm leaving."
He went to the dance and stood around, trying to build up his courage. After a while he noticed a woman standing alone in the corner.
She was very attractive, but there was something different about her that John couldn't quite put his finger on.
A short time later, it dawned on him that her mouth was actually vertical instead of horizontal.
"Poor girl," thought John to himself. "She's worse off than me."
He walked across the crowded dance floor and approached the girl. He introduced himself and they struck up a conversation.
The girl's name was Cecelia and the two of them sat and chatted for a good half hour or so over a couple of drinks.
Now feeling quite relaxed and alot less self-concious, John thought, "Wow, she really is lovely, maybe I should ask her to dance."
Taking one last sip of his drink, John took a deep breath and ask Cecelia if she would like to get up and Dance.
Very excited by the idea, Cecelia replied, "Oh would I?!"
To which John angrily replied, "You can f**kin' talk Kunt Lips!!!"