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COMMUNICATION FOR A GOOD MARRIAGE

The Men's Guide to what a woman really means when she says something.

• You want = You want

• We need = I want

• It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

• Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

• We need to talk = I need to complain

• Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.

• I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

• You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

• You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?

• I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.

• Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.

• This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

• I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

• I need wedding shoes = The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.

• Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

• I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

• Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

• How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.

• I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

• Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

• You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

• Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

• Yes = No

• No = No

• Maybe = No

• I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.

• Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.

• Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

• I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

• All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

The Woman's Guide to What a Man is Really Saying...

• I'm hungry. = I'm hungry.

• I'm sleepy. = I'm sleepy.

• I'm tired. = I'm tired.

• Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

• Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

• Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

• May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

• Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!

• You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you.

• What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.

• What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

• What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

• I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?

• I love you. = Let's have sex now.

• I love you, too. = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

• Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before.

• Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!

• Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

• Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

• (while shopping) I like that one better. = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!

• You want = You want

• We need = I want

• Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

• We need to talk = I need to complain

• Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.

• I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

• Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

• Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

• I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

• Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

• You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

• Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

• Yes = No

• No = No

• Maybe = No

• I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.

• I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

• All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

LOL ALL TRUE

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