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A joke for the day

Tosh

By Tosh,
in New South Wales

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Kero Mentor

Kero

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3 old ladies named Gertrude, Maude and Tilly were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation when a flasher approached from across the park. The flasher came up to the ladies, stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat. Gertrude immediately had a stroke. Then Maude also had a stroke. But Tilly, Bless her heart, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far

Kero Mentor

Kero

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Cheating husbands - read text first

COLUMBIA

Bogota resident Emilo Savez was critically Wounded tonight when his wife, in a fit of rage, attacked her husband with a wood axe, lodging it in his forehead. The 36 year old father of three was rushed to St. Vincent's hospital when his frantic wife called police after swinging an axe into his face.

Apparently Maria Savez caught her estranged husband in bed with the family housekeeper, and in a fit of rage ran to the garage and got a wood axe, then proceeded back to their bedroom. Once there a struggle ensued, and Mrs. Savez ended up on top of her  >husband, then swung the Axe and impaled it into Mr. Savez's forehead!!

Shocked surgeons spent six hours removing and repairing the damage from the axe, and surprisingly Mr. Savez is expected to make a full recovery.

Minor brain damage to the front temporal lobes is expected, but Mr. Savez is expected to be able to lead a normal life once his wounds have healed.

See attached files:

post-3069-1126151863.jpg

post-3069-1126151877.jpg

post-3069-1126151889.jpg

post-3069-1126151902.jpg

Silver-Arrowz Grand Master

Silver-Arrowz

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Posted

Alaskan Retirement

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so, of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and sees a huge, bearded man standing there.

"Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a party Friday night... Thought you might like to come. About 5:00."

"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."

As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you...... There's gonna be some drinkin'."

"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."

"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there, Thanks again."

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too," says Lars.

"Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there.

By the way, what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us."

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