Jump to content
SAU Community

Rectum Stretcher

Veilside R33

By Veilside R33,
in Australian Capital Territory

 Share

Recommended Posts

Veilside R33 Veteran

Veilside R33

Posted
Posted

hey guy,

i got this off ns.com and thought i'd share it, 2days later im still giggling at it.

Rectum stretcher

While I was driving down the Kwinana Freeway the

other day, (going a little faster than I should have

been) I passed under a bridge only to see a traffic

cop on the other side with a radar gun laying in

wait.

The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and

with that classic patronising smirk, asked: "Runway

too short?"

To which I replied,

"I'm late for work."

To which he asked, "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The traffic cop was surprised and confused. "A

what? A rectum stretcher?? And just what does

a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I

work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four,

then with my whole hand in, work side to side until

I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely

stretch the hole, until it's about 6 feet."

Then the cop asked questioningly and cautiously,

"And just what do you do with a six-foot arsehole?"

To which I politely replied, "You give him a radar

gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Speeding ticket: $250

Court costs: $1000

Look on traffic cop's face: Priceless!!

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/59395-rectum-stretcher/
Share on other sites
OZR32GTR Collaborator

OZR32GTR

Posted
Posted

May as well add to the Christmas cheer.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on.

"It represents a candle," he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.

He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said, "you may pass through the pearly gates."

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carol's."

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/59395-rectum-stretcher/#findComment-1133431
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share
Go to topic listing


  • Latest Posts

    • PranK
      2001 R34DE

      By PranK · Posted

      R34DE as in R34 with an RB25DE? So did you get this? Or you planning to?  I'm not really sure what you're saying. 
    • Dose Pipe Sutututu
      What should I do next to hold the head on

      By Dose Pipe Sutututu · Posted

      Possibly avoid using a Cometic one unless the deck/head surface are perfectly flat. I did have a look just then and forgiving gaskets such as Tomei or Nitto don't exist for the FJ20, however the Bar-Tek or Kameari ones look good and might do the trick.
    • GTSBoy
      boost source Size Garrett gt28 gen2

      By GTSBoy · Posted

      Because pipe threads for pipe things. M threads for bolt things. Throw some teflon sealant onto it and dust your hands off knowing you did the right thing, instead of going twice around the block to achieve a result using the wrong things. Of course, all of these solutions are ignoring the fact that the minimum thread pitch we're talking about here is 1.25mm, with the 1/4" in NPT or BPS being out around 1.4mm. You will need to know that the boss you're tapping has enough thickness for at least a few threads. That's one of the reasons that 1/8" is commonly used - because the pitch is <1mm. And why would you look to use 1/4" NPT in a BSP country anyway? Ugh.
    • Dose Pipe Sutututu
      boost source Size Garrett gt28 gen2

      By Dose Pipe Sutututu · Posted

      Just throwing around ideas, does it need to be in the compressor cover? Why not the hot side piping?
    • timmy94
      boost source Size Garrett gt28 gen2

      By timmy94 · Posted

      1/8NPT drill size = 8.7mm. Since the hole got messed up by me, it’s probably around 9mm.    So 1/4” NPT would be next step. A drill size of around 11mm would be preferred there which is not way of my M12 (drill 10.5mm and tap M12 threads) 
×
×
  • Create New...