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Maniac Night Out

Mr Eps

By Mr Eps,
in WA Wasteland

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Mr Eps Grand Master

Mr Eps

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Imagine everyone from your work goes out to a business lunch and your left behind by yourself to man the phones.

They get back to work to find u filthy blackout dancing to dirty dubstep beats that are playing through your tinny iphone speaker.. kraftwerk songs / pendulum. Drool is escaping your lips as you squirm vigorously around the room, jumping on desks. Then you scream out "Im going to Paramount!!!!"

You continue dancing as you exit the room. Everyone is just looking at you in disbelief, wondering wtf happened to you. You push the button on the elevator, whilst continuing to dance in the same spot. Eventually the door opens and your facing a really packed elevator. Faces are staring at you. You know there is absolutely no room for you but you run and leap forward landing on top of a few startled people as the elevator doors close behind you. You somehow work your feet to the floor and get your balance, then as everyone's judging you in disgust for what you just did, you start rubbing your hands through your hair and start making moaning noises like your in absolute euphoria. A middle aged lady tell you "you disgust me, how dare you act like this in public!" to which you reply "OI YOUGOIN TOFUTUREMUSICMAN?????"

The lift finally reaches the bottom, but just before your out you reach into your bag and pull out a Jim Beam black can, Everyone in the lift shifts uncomfortably and starts murmuring at you drinking alcohol. You stab the can with your keys, and sub the jim beam down in under 8 seconds. You burp loudly and blow it in the direction of some hot chick. You slam the can down on the ground as hard as you can and scream "Hell yeah, Wooo!!!" (the can bounces back and cuts open someone’s eyelid), but you don’t see this because your too busy breathing really hard and repeatedly pushing "door open, door open."

The elevator doors open, and the last thing the others see is you sprinting out as fast as you can barking loudly at randoms.

…Stay tuned for part 2: THE NIGHT OUT!!

PART 2:

After leaving work and having that "incident" in the elevator, the elevator doors open..

Your free!! You run out of the building, whilst still continuing to dance. Your hands are fist pumping and arms are doing all those weird crazy movements that you do when you dance in private in front of the mirror. You get to your car knowing you should not be driving, but screw it its Wednesday and you gotta get to paramount coz EVERYONE KNOWS its the best night of the week to be there. You go to turn on your ignition and suddenly realise your sitting in the passenger seat and you've opened the front compartment instead. Woops!

You get out, and bonnet slide across to the other side, and this time start your ignition for real. Knowing you shouldn't be driving on main roads you decide to take the quiet backstreets home..

.. 1 minute later you’re on Alexander drive caning it at like 150.

Just before you reach your suburb you think to yourself screw it I haven’t done a burnout for a while so you decide u have to lay a strip outside the entrance of morley sport and rec centre. i mean not on the road but on the actual pavement where ppl wait outside and chat.

So you get there and you reverse all the way to the entrance. then you just sit there roasting it, cranking music as loud as u can, with your sunglasses on. then slowly release and creep forward onto the bitumen. By this stage smoke is everywhere, ppl are coughing, old ladies are staring at you with disgust. Management is stepping outside to see what all the noise and commotion is about.

This whole time your redlining, and thick white smoke is just gunning out of those tyres, you creep forward a little more and then start whipping nuts in front of the bus bays, narrowly missing kids as they leave their junior karate lessons. Their parents yelling obscenities out like "what an idiot" "theres children around." and "who do you think you are".

You suddenly stop and get out of your car. People can hardly see you, because theres a white cloud surrounding the car. You sit on your bonnet and fire up a dart, bringing your arm up quickly to inhale the smoke, then bringing it down quickly, but keeping both arms in the typical milkcrate position, like a hero. Your car is just in the middle of the road blocking traffic on both sides. Cars start pulling into the rec centre but just get banked up because your in the way. One guy, lets call him Paul Deocampo, starts beeping "oi mate, cmon move your car its blocking the way i wanna get inside and work my traps ay". You turn your head and flick you lit cigarette at his windscreen, ash and sparks fly all over his car. then you look at him and shout loud enough to scare everyone around you, "WHAT C _ _ _ !!"

You then get back inside your vehicle, start reving it loud, and accelerate is as fast as you can out of morley rec not stopping or even looking as your exiting. You just cane it down the road gnashing your teeth. Everyone at the front of morley rec can hear your engine thrashing it down the road, with bass pumping from the extremely loud trance your cranking.

At home you get changed into these dirty denim shorts, and an adidas tennis hat, and now your dressed right for paramount! Then you start sinking some of your parents alcohol, whatevers around. ..which happens to be your mums cooking brandy, mostly..

The next few hours are a total blur and then you realise its 2:30am and your in the line to get into Rise. Hell yeah! Your in line waiting, its 13 degrees outside, but you are sweating furiously, and chatting hard to whoever is willing to listen, which is, nobody.

You get inside and spend most of your night hanging out on the balcony associating with the unfavourable types. After meeting this one bloke called Derek, you suddenly realise you two have a lot in common. ..Mostly amphetamines. After a while you look at your phone and its 5:20am, so you walk back in the venue and theres just staff there cleaning up. You’re the only patron left in the whole of Rise, everyone else has gone home.

The manager comes up to you and says “seriously WTF are you doing here, I told you plenty of times that your banned from this place, now get OUT!!”

You leave with a smile on your face knowing that in a few days time you’ll be back inside having the time of your life, again.

You and Derek go to the cas.

The end.

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