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A joke for the day

Tosh

By Tosh,
in New South Wales

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madmurf Community Regular

madmurf

Posted
Posted

Grandma's birth control pills.....

The doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most

Of her life finally retired. At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to

bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.

As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew wide as he

Realized she had a prescription for birth control pills.

"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL pills?"

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."

"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in these

That could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. "Yes, dear, I

know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of

orange juice that my 16 year old granddaughter drinks... And believe

me, it helps me sleep at night."

You gotta love Grandmas!

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madmurf Community Regular

madmurf

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Untypical Court Case

Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing

on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young

man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady: No, I didn’t stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that

since my Abner died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and

excited. I have! n’t felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling really

“spicy” that I just laid down and told him “Take me,

young man. Take me!”

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, “April Fool!” And that’s when I shot him, the little bastard!

madmurf Community Regular

madmurf

Posted
Posted

Little Tony

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few

days. He’d been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, “Grandma, what is that called when 2 people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?”

She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. “It’s called sexual intercourse, darling.”

Little Tony just said, “Oh, OK” and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, “Grandma,

it is not called sexual intercourse! It’s called Bunk Beds! and Jimmy’s Mom wants to talk to you!!”

Wink Grand Master

Wink

Posted
Posted

Dear Ricky, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you. Love, Becky

The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty girls he had collected from his buddies. There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note:

Dear Becky, I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me. Take Care, Ricky

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