Jump to content
SAU Community

Classic Jokes/funnies

Nightcrawler

By Nightcrawler,
in South Australia

 Share

Recommended Posts

Sl!m Grand Master

Sl!m

Posted
Posted

I have some pictures at home somewhere from when I lived in the States..

picture of a porn shop on the top of a hill..big signs all over the building "XXXX" "HARDCORE" etc..

directly next to the building is a giant billboard with a picture of Jesus and in big words "JESUS IS WATCHING YOU"

ahahaha.. some church bought all the advertising space above a couple of porn shops in the town and put them up.

will have to find the pics and post them up :)

  • 3 weeks later...
Tangles Grand Master

Tangles

Posted
Posted

15 Little Known Facts About Chuck Norris

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilizer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

12. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the the sphincter of the universe one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live the sphincter of the universe, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

13. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

15. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share
Go to topic listing


  • Similar Content

  • Latest Posts

    • Butters
      UniClutch

      By Butters · Posted

      Kinda glad I never got to this ..    https://www.facebook.com/groups/1483859159195077
    • Haggerty
      RB25DE NEO with Haltech ECU

      By Haggerty · Posted

      @GTSBoy This method was able to get readings of -10 to -2, so it looks like its monitoring.  Now I need to figure out why the vacuum on the line provided isn't alternating with manifold pressure.  I went with 2 lines that an RB25 tuner recommended but I'll get a longer hose and try directly off the back of the manifold.  He may have been used to OEM intake setups while I have a DBW setup that removed the MAF and IACV.  
    • Rezz
      Japan Scrapbook

      By Rezz · Posted

      I work at a car detailing and tinting shop called Quark which gets all manner of German cars in usually (mainly due to a contract with Mercedes Benz Kita Osaka, BMW Nishinomiya and others) but every once in a while something special comes in, like a fully restored 1972 HS30 Nissan Fairlady 240ZG... The shop owner had immediately started applying film to the windows as soon as it was in the shop so the interior was completely covered in towels and plastic sheets. But I could get a few photos of the engine bay which was restored like new. Such an amazing car to see in pristine condition in Japan these days.  
    • Rezz
      Duncan's V37.......race car?

      By Rezz · Posted

      Was going to say the car pulls up nicely everywhere, especially going into that last long right hander before the main straight. Looks like a lot of fun.
    • Turbodoc
      Noobie Stagea owner..

      By Turbodoc · Posted

      Hey Dave, welcome aboard! Good to see another soon-to-be Stagea owner here. The wagons are awesome — plenty of space, still got that Skyline DNA, and loads of potential if you’re into mods. Definitely post up pics when you get it, everyone here loves seeing new builds. What model/year are you looking at?
×
×
  • Create New...