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Bullet32

By Bullet32,
in Australian Capital Territory

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leech_
leech_

bahaha gold

Sinista32
Sinista32

dad joke A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I masturbated while thinking about my sister." "That's a disgrace," said the priest, "especially when you have two gorg

Mick_o
Mick_o

I just got sacked from my day job as a life guard at the pool . apparently tapping the "no bombing" sign when the muslims walk past isnt funny to everyone.

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Scooby Veteran

Scooby

Posted
Posted

A dog walks into a hardware shop, puts his paws up on the counter, looks at the guy behind it and says 'G'day mate, I'm looking for a job'.

The guy, somewhat surprised, says 'Aaaah, sorry but we don't employ talking dogs here, why not try a circus'.

The dog tilts his head sideways, raises one eyebrow and says 'What the f#ck would a circus want with a plumber?'

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GTS_DUY Proficient

GTS_DUY

Posted
Posted

"The Horth Whithperer"

A guy calls his buddy the horse rancher and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.

His buddy asks,"How will I recognize him?"

"That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment."

So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse?

"A female horth."

So he shows him a prized filly.

"Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth?"

So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.

"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth?"

So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.

"Nith earzth, can I thee her mouf?"

The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.

"Nith mouf, can I see her twat?"

Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs

him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's twat,pulls him out and slams him on the ground.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.

"Perhapth I should re-phrathe that "Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit?"

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Gus- Grand Master

Gus-

Posted
Posted

hahaha

theres a gay couple, and oine has a hairy chest and one doesn't. anyway, one day the one without the hairy chest goes to his docter and says

"docter, i want a hairy chest like my bf what can you do for me?"

"well ive got a few ways, but ehre take this vasaline and rub it into your chest every night and you will get a hairy chest.

so that night he starts rubbing in the vasaline and his bf walks in and ask's what he is doing

"my doctor sdaid if i rub vasaline into my chest id get a hairy chest like you"

and the bf reply's

"that wont work, if it did by now youd have a pony tale growing out your ass"

another....

little jonny runs into his living room one day "MUM MUM grandma's got a prawn hangin out her c**t" and she says "now jonny i know iot may look like a prawn but its not.

"bullshit, it tastes like one"

another....

theres a plane flying to sydney and a blonde woman is sitting in economy class. suddenly she gets up and she walks up into business class and sits down in one of the many empty seats. a flight attendent walks up and tells her she has to move because she didn't pay for the ticket. she doesn't move. after pleading for mhowever long, the flight attendent decides to gfet his supervisor. he tells his supervisor and his supervisor says he will deal with it as he has a blonde wife. so he walks up and whispers something in her ear and suddenly she gets up and goews straight back to her seat. the first flight attendent is amazed and asks his supervisor how he managed it. he says

"i told her that first class wasn't going to sydney"

another...this one i got of a website, but its a classic

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation. This was affecting marital relations with his wife so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem.

In response the doctor said, "When you feel the urge to ejaculate, try startling yourself".

One the way home the man went to a sports store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try out this suggestion he runs home to his wife. When he gets home he is surprised and delighted to find his wife in bed, already naked. He's so horney and keen to try out his new 'system' that he doesn't think twice and leaps on board.

After a few minutes ‘slap and tickle’, they find themselves in the '69' position. Sure enough, only moments later the man feels the sudden urge to come. Following doctor’s orders, he grabs the starter pistol off the bedside table and fires it.

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?"

The man answered, "Just great, asshole...when I fired the pistol my wife shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my dick and my neighbor came out of the closet naked with his hands in the air!"

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Gus- Grand Master

Gus-

Posted
Posted

got this one of google, gonna try it one day :O

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.

"I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"

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