not sure if this has been posted yet, but...
The other night I was invited out for a night with the lads. I told my wife that I would be home by midnight... "Promise!"
Well, the hours passed quickly and the beer was going down way too easy.
At 3am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times.
Quickly,I realised she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for having such a rapid, witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her 12 o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Got away with that one, I
thought! Then she told me we needed a new cuckoo clock.
When I asked her why, she said, "Well, last night it cuckooed 3 times, then said, 'oh ****,' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more.... then farted."