Jump to content
SAU Community

Recommended Posts

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry it !

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

How are fat girls and mopeds alike?

They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

How do you piss off a female archaeologist??

Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from.

How is a woman like a condom?

Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

What should you give a woman who has everything?

A man to show her how to work it.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?

Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Why did God create woman ?

To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

Why do women fake orgasms ?

Because they think men care.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?

Made her chain too long

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told

I married a Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.

It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

Women will never be equal to men...

until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/210213-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha/
Share on other sites

  • Replies 40
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Women will never be equal to men...

until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

baaaahahahahah such a good aussie yobbo joke!!

awesome work there cheers for the laugh :whistling:

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/210213-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha/#findComment-3717014
Share on other sites

Oldie but a goodie; this one got emailed to me at work today:

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.

He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.

Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.

He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.

He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.

"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied

"No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment,then took her foot and stomped them flat.

"Well, we're not having any of that poofter shit in our garden" she said.

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/210213-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha/#findComment-3717027
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now



  • Latest Posts

    • ok so if i wanted to go 18's i would go for 8's  in front 30+ or 32+ off set at front and the back 9 would be ok? what offset should i aim for.. then can i do some  hunting for wheel rim choices..    If i get this - will this fit all around: Size: 18 x 8.5 +37 - n what tyres size tyre should i get for front n back?  
    • Absolute f*cking nightmare. I had to take breaks constantly, and I was always pissed off when I got home. The line split in Italy on day 2 (we drove from the Netherlands), lol. Driving any narrow European town was... well, sh*t.   Appreciate it man. Here, I'll just drop a favourite from the load I took on Saturday.   I'll update here when things happen with the car, the thing is, with stock power and almost everything chassis-wise taken care of, there really are no problems. 268,000kms now and counting.  
    • Ah! I actually managed to snag a lightly used set.... that aren't so suitable for me right now. They don't work on a GTT without some cutting or creative heat moulding. I thought about reselling them myself cause I didn't want to murder them, but it looks like I'm probably going to attempt to murder them/melt them because I may as well. @GTSBoy @PranK can somebody close this thread?
    • Hey mate,  I have a set, one is slightly damaged but wont be noticable once installed.  Shoot me a message if your still after them 
    • I couldn't wait But, the black constant tension hose clamps were too thick and there wasn't enough clearance at the T/B and I couldn't get it to seat properly, so I had use a silver one there I also added some 3" silicone over the alloy bit that goes through to hole on the radiator support as it looked like it was sitting on the edge of the hole in the radiator support, I never noticed a rattle or anything, but there was a witness mark It is basicly done, and I can live with the silver hose clamp at the T/B, I will get a black clamp for the head vent though where it is attached to the bulkhead fitting  It never stops...LOL, only issue now with the shock tower brace is it slightly touches the under bonnet liner now, if I leave it it will either wear some paint off the brace where it touches, or damage the liner, so I removed the liner to see what I have to work with, with the liner removed I have about 20mm of clearance, but sadly the middle part of the underside of the bonnet is only dusted with paint and looks crap, so I cannot have that, but.... as I have a roll of Carbuilders premium under bonnet insulation in the garage laying around that is only 5.5mm thick (we were going to use it on the boys Patrol, but he crashed the front of it a few months and it was written off, hence why he now drives my old Honda Accord Euro), I'll use the OEM liner as a template and get the Carbuilders stuff fitted up to cover that dusted paint up
×
×
  • Create New...