Rules For Driving In Perth And Somethings Bunbury

[nissan_sss]

Rules for Driving in Perth

1. Indicators will give away your next move. A real Perth driver never uses them.

2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else will fill in that space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered "going with the flow."

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive repairs. The other guy doesn't have anything to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

8. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic in Perth.

9. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre.

10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours, especially 4WD drivers.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly. Perth is the home of High-Speed Slalom Driving thanks to Main Roads, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes, not forgetting the 'Test your skill' chicanes in suburbs.

12. It is traditional in Perth to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes.

13. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way.

14. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding.

15. Remember that the goal of every Perth driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.

16. Real Perth women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye makeup at 75 kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

17. Real Perth men drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at 95 kph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.

18. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way ensuring a natural selection process and creating a need for panel beaters, junkyards, and new vehicle sales. It is an acceptable practice to increase your speed in comparison to the rate of rain fall, i.e.: the harder it rains, the faster you go.

19. There is a commonly held belief in Perth that high-speed tailgating in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked along in the slipstream of the car in front.

20. It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road trains and buses because, hell - they have brakes.

21. It is an essential duty of the driver to preserve the life of his passengers. Hence no matter how much of an inconvenience it may be, always find a detour around The Causeway, The Narrows, and Guildford.

22. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a one-way street.

23. Its O.K when driving in Northbridge to air your grievances at bad drivers by giving the "one finger salute" while screaming out "c(u)nt". However, it is imperative you are driving at least a 5-litre V8 with a crow bar in your lap.

24. Perth drivers are experts at merging, when in two or more lanes travelling in the same direction, ensure that if you see someone politely indicating, waiting slowly trying to merge into your lane, show them that they must 'Wait their turn' to use your lane. Speed up, try to cut them off, should they succeed and get into your lane never mind that it was actually legal for them to do that, ensure that your flash your lights, honk your horn, use extreme hand gestures, even tailgate them, just to let them know, IT WAS YOUR LANE.

25. Ensure that when merging into traffic travelling at any more than 40kph that you stop in the merging lane, backing up traffic for miles behind you, ensuring that you have given yourself or no-one else that opportunity to merge. Again, forget that the traffic handbook states that you should speed up to meet traffic speed then merge. If you are travelling in a lane near a merge lane, don't change lanes to make it easy for them, instead see rule 24, after all they deserve it.

26. While using Perth roundabouts, particularly two lane roundabouts, ENSURE that you are in the left lane to turn right, or the right to turn left, hell lets keep those people in those other lanes on their toes.

27. If you are a TransPerth bus driver, you must win at all costs, getting to your destination prior to any other driver is life and death. Never worry about your passengers bouncing round in the back like tennis balls, hell it's a cheap form of theme park, in fact Perth's very own.

28. Perth taxis see rule 27, except you are now qualifying for the GMC 400.

29. Pedestrian crossings - What are they?

30. If you are a cyclist remember YOU ARE INVINCIBLE, you are stronger than ANY vehicle travelling at speed, MAKE SURE you take the whole lane for yourself, and at night NEVER use lights, remember They Will See You!

31. Remember, the wider, smoother, and safer the road... the lower the speed limit.

32. When driving on the freeway, find somebody who is going slow, drive next to them, so that nobody can pass you. It's called, speed prevention. It's your duty!

[PewPew]

lol! did you write that youself?

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered "going with the flow."

During my driving test the instructor told me off for changing one lane at a time and told me to just do both at once D:

[TAKUSHI]

haha yesss i can apply to a few of those haha

[snozzle]

good read ty lol

[bubba]

+11ty

Especially about the merging, I rage so hard every morning and afternoon trying to get into the tunnel

[Stinky Rooster]

Pft - try spending a week in Shanghai and Beijing

[nissan_sss]

lol! did you write that youself?

3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane change is considered "going with the flow."

During my driving test the instructor told me off for changing one lane at a time and told me to just do both at once D:

nah i got it emailed to me at work thought "wow, that's about right" but tey missed the fact that the left lane doubles as parking without notice!! hahahhaa that always gets me when i'm in the big-smok

[bubba]

Pft - try spending a week in Shanghai and Beijing

Did you drive while over there?

[Stinky Rooster]

Did you drive while over there?

Not personally, but spent a lot of time in 56 seat buses that did random u-turns through red traffic lights, and went for a ride in an electric rickshaw. Trust me, the roads in Perth are military precision, comparitively

[Ashy Larry]

What would chairmen Mao have to say in regards to your slander ?

[nissan_sss]

Not personally, but spent a lot of time in 56 seat buses that did random u-turns through red traffic lights, and went for a ride in an electric rickshaw. Trust me, the roads in Perth are military precision, comparitively

sounds like sydney!! hahha

[bubba]

sounds like sydney!! hahha

Everytime our team went to Sydney for a tournament, the boys would make me drive just so they could watch me rage

[nissan_sss]

Everytime our team went to Sydney for a tournament, the boys would make me drive just so they could watch me rage

hahahahaahaha, thats why i don't drive in perth much!! hahahhahah

when i wet to sydney for karate gala dinner and training, we went by buses and taxis!!! OMG!!! we were terrified!!!

[dan_the_man]

Not personally, but spent a lot of time in 56 seat buses that did random u-turns through red traffic lights, and went for a ride in an electric rickshaw. Trust me, the roads in Perth are military precision, comparitively

75,000 road deaths in China in 2008 (from memory).

scary

[bubba]

hahahahaahaha, thats why i don't drive in perth much!! hahahhahah

when i wet to sydney for karate gala dinner and training, we went by buses and taxis!!! OMG!!! we were terrified!!!

lol I was driving a hired 12seater Hiace Commuter.. packed to the gills with 7 other paintball players and all their gear, fun times

Nah it wasn't that bad, I may have raged a lot but it was actually quite fun!

[R33_NICK]

try malaysia. everyone must reach their destination before the other person eventhough each have no idea where their destination is. you get occasional reversing on the freeway because they've missed the exit and indicate left if you want to go right or the other to confuse drivers so they cant speed up and cut you off, one way lanes become two ways and lots of arguement, oh and while waiting for the lights to go green, you dont balance the clutch getting ready or left foot on the brake build up the revs but put your hands on the horn and get ready and when its green, blast your horn till the car in front decides to move, etc...ive driven there on my last visit and believe me, i dont wanna drive around there again.

Edited July 15, 2010 by R33_NICK

[TiTAN]

lol I was driving a hired 12seater Hiace Commuter.. packed to the gills with 7 other paintball players and all their gear, fun times

Nah it wasn't that bad, I may have raged a lot but it was actually quite fun!

do a skid.

[Stinky Rooster]

try malaysia. everyone must reach their destination before the other person eventhough each have no idea where their destination is. you get occasional reversing on the freeway because they've missed the exit and indicate left if you want to go right or the other to confuse drivers so they cant speed up and cut you off, one way lanes become two ways and lots of arguement, oh and while waiting for the lights to go green, you dont balance the clutch getting ready or left foot on the brake build up the revs but put your hands on the horn and get ready and when its green, blast your horn till the car in front decides to move, etc...ive driven there on my last visit and believe me, i dont wanna drive around there again.

spent only 1 night in KL, but from what I saw +11ty

The moped racing on the local TV station was pretty close to the traffic I saw.

[08yannch]

7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions and apparently not enforceable in the metro area during rush hour.

this is so me

awesome read

[TiTAN]

i think this was originally aimed at canberra, as thats where the GMC 400 was, and no one merges worse than we do.