A joke for the day

[madmurf]

This is what happens when you party too hard

[madmurf]

What A $20US Note Can Reveal

20DollarBill.doc

[madmurf]

WoW!! learn Japanese

[madmurf]

clever advertising

[Kero]

Thousand words worth...

(PowerPoint Presentation)

Slike_leta_2005.zip

[Kero]

READ THE TEXT FIRST BEFORE OPENING THE PICTURE

The wife was very unhappy with her car and complained a lot to her husband:

'Buy me a surprise for my birthday!', she said. 'Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds! And I would prefer a blue one!'

Happy and excited she was counting down the days for her birthday.

And finally she got the beautiful present her husband thoughtfully bought....

Apparently he is dead now....

[madmurf]

Way down in Louisiana, Boudreaux's old lady had been pregnant for some

> time and now the time had come. So he brought her to the doctor and the

> doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy and the doctor

> looked over at Boudreaux and said, "Hey, Boudreaux! You just had

> you-self a son! Ain't dat grand!"

> Boudreaux got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and

> said, "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!" The doctor then delivered a

> little girl. He said, "Hey, Boudreaux! You got you-self a daughter!

> She a pretty lil ting, too."

> Boudreaux got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said, "Hold

> on, we still ain't got done yet!" The doctor then delivered another boy

> and said, "Boudreaux, you just had you-self another boy!"

> When Boudreaux and his wife went home with their three children, he sat

> down with his wife and said, "Mama, you remember dat night what we run

> out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere tree-in-one Oil?"

> His wife said, "Yeah, I do!" Boudreaux said, "Man, it's a damn good ting

> we didn't use no WD-fourty."

>

[madmurf]

Here are a few things to think about that you probably have never

thought about;

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to “put your two cents in”.. but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?

Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried

in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.

Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he

just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride he sticks his head out the window?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?

[madmurf]

http://www.huckinchicken.com

The more people visit the more tricks he does.

[Kero]

EARLY SIGNS OF A PROBLEM CHILD... MMM...?!?

[madmurf]

MUST READ THE TEXT FIRST

This poster was released in the mid 80s and prompted a total recall of all

posters because of the picture painted in ice-cubes at bottom right corner a woman performing an act. The graphic artist who designed the picture put this in as a joke, and it went through unnoticed until someone spotted it on the back of a Coke truck.

The artist lost his job and was sued, and all promotional material

had to be recalled and destroyed.Very rare and hard to get hold of released in South Australia in mid '80's.

[madmurf]

Toutterrain

Power point

toutterrain.zip

[madmurf]

Lost Cat !!!

Power Point

il_gatto.zip

[madmurf]

Classic

CouncilAnnouncement_.doc

[madmurf]

Dave works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no,"

says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and

brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly

Uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey".

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave,

starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Davey. Want your usual

table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the

door, he jumps in beside her. Dave tries desperately to explain how the

stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is

having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs,

calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Dave, you picked up a real bitch this time."

[Kero]

Love thy neighbour

[shaolin]

Nobody wins in the dairy challenge.

http://www.cartoonland.de/archiv/kenny-rogers-jackass/

This is very funny...

[sloazr33]

A man went into an urologist and told him he was having a problem.

He was unable to get his penis erect. The doctor checked him out

then told him that the muscles around the base of his penis were

damaged from a previous viral infection and that there was nothing

he could actually do for him. However, he knew of an experimental

treatment that might work, if he is willing to take the risk. The

treatment consisted of implanting muscle tissues from an elephant's

trunk into his penis. The man thought about it a while. The thought

of going through life without ever experiencing sex again was just

too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would

be no cruelty to the elephant, the man decided to go for it.

A few weeks after the operation he was given the green light to go

and try out his newly renovated equipment. As a result he planned a

romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the

nicest restaurants in town. In the middle of dinner he felt a strong

stirring in his loins that continued to the point of being extremely

painful. To release the pressure he unzipped his fly and his penis

sprang out, slid across the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll

and then returned to his trousers.

His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly grin on her

face said, "That was incredible! Can you do it again?"

With tears in his eyes he replied, "I think I can, but I'm not sure

if another bread roll will fit up my arse!

[sloazr33]

Two blokes are pushing their shopping trolleys around Woolies when they collide.

The first one says to the second , "Sorry mate, I'm looking for me missus,

and I wasn't paying attention to where I was going".

The second bloke says, " Ah, no worries, I'm looking for mine too. I can't find her anywhere".

The first bloke says, "Well, maybe we can help each other.

What does your wife look like"?

The second one says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes,

big knockers and is wearing short blue shorts and a tank top.

What does your wife look like"?

The first one says, " Ah, doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."

[Kero]

Funny DUI (needs sound)