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Squizz

By Squizz,
in Queensland

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phatboi2010 Grand Master

phatboi2010

Posted
Posted

I'm so farking bored....

oh well he's another bad joke....

A man survived a plane crash and landed on a large land occupied by a group of savages, who treated him as one of them. After many decades, he was eventually rescued and a female journalist is interviewing him on his miraculous survival and life on the island.

"Tell me, is there anything fun on the island?" She asks.

"yea. I remember one time a woman was lost in the woods and we searched her for days and found her in a cave and then we all had sex with her." He says excitingly.

Feeling a little bit awkward, the journalist then asks "What Else?"

"Last winter, a sow we caught ran away and we eventually found it in the woods and we all had sex with it. It was good time." He says proudly.

"hmm." Embarrassed and disgusted, the journalist then asks "what about any hardship you suffered when living on the island?"

The old man looks at her and says nothing, and after 10 secs, he bursts into tears and says:"One day, I got lost in the woods...."

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Captain Natro
Captain Natro

I never said that... Bout to head down to forest lakes in the abomination, to go and see the oldies

luke gtr
luke gtr

car is booked for zorst!

t5iv
t5iv

You still have to come. You just aren't welcome in my house. Stand outside with a CB radio

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phatboi2010 Grand Master

phatboi2010

Posted
Posted

Bill, Ted And Intelligence

Bill and Ted work in a factory line and have been working there for 15 years.

Bill: Ted. We have been working here a friggin long time.

Ted: You got that right.

Bill: How come we are stuck here doing the same shitty job getting the same shitty pay, while Jim gets to be manager, sit in an air conditioned office and gets paid more than us?

Ted: You know. That's interesting. I have had it with this job. I am going to talk to Jim.

So that afternoon, Ted goes to see Jim in his office.

Ted: Excuse me Jim. I need to ask you something.

Jim: Sure Jim. Ask away.

Ted: Bill and me were just wondering. We have been working here for 15 years doing the same shitty job. But you get to be manager and sit in this nice office. How come?

Jim: Ted. I am sitting in this office because I have one thing that you don't.

Ted: ???

Jim: I have intelligence.

Ted: ???????

Jim: *Sigh* Let me show you.

Jim puts his hand on the wall.

Jim: Ted. I want you to punch my hand right now.

Ted: ?? But i can't. I mean i don't want to hurt you.

Jim: Just do it.

Ted lines up a punch and just as he's about to land the punch, Jim pulls away. Ted screams.

Jim: See Ted. That's intelligence.

Ted, enlightened and excited with the news runs off to Bill.

Ted: Bill Bill!!! i know why Jim is the manager now!

Bill: What what? Why??

Ted: I will show you.

Ted looks around for a wall but couldn't find one.

So he put his hand on his face.

-The end-

Keegs Grand Master

Keegs

Posted
Posted
hahahahahahahahaha Your solution intrigues me..

I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter!

you already have, the intelligent parts are distributed on here once every year and involve only one line of content.

lilmike86 Veteran

lilmike86

Posted
Posted
i need some lovin :P:P:kiss::laugh:;)

gimme an hour and i finish work >_<

hahahahahahahahaha Your solution intrigues me..

I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter!

will you pay good money for it, not counterfeit like the last person *starts cursing under breath* :laugh:

phatboi2010 Grand Master

phatboi2010

Posted
Posted

The Dump List

The Perfect Dump -- Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world and you are in perfect harmony with it.

The Beer Dump -- Talk about nasty dumps. Depending on the dumper's tolerance, the beer dump is the end result of too many beers. it could have been 2 or 22, it doesn't matter. What you get is a sinister, lengthy, noisy dump accompanied by a malevolent fog that could close a bathroom for days.

The Chili Dump - Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it leaves. The chili dump stays with you all day, making your tush feel like a heat shield.

The Cable Dump -- Long, curly and perfectly formed like 2 feet of E13 telephone CO-axial cable. It loops lazily around the bowl, like a friendly serpent. You wonder admiringly, ''DID I DO THAT? Where did it come from?'' you leave the bathroom pleased with yourself.

The Latrine Dump -- In case you didn't know, a latrine is a hole in the ground with a tent around it where soldiers, boy scouts and flies go to dump. Tip: Don't ever, ever look in the hole.

The Mona Lisa Dump -- This is the masterpiece of dumps. It's as perfectly formed as it can be. Delicate and slender with intricacies that would make da Vinci weep. And just think, you made it yourself. You may even want to break out the Polaroid, but maybe that's going a bit too far.

The Empty Roll Dump - You're done...you reach for the toilet paper only to discover that empty cardboard cylinder. A mild panic begins coldly in your throat. You could use the curtains...no, someone would say ''Where are the curtains?'' Then what would you say? The rug?...too cumbersome. Then you must come to the same conclusion that every ''empty roll dumper'' must face...Pull up your slacks, tighten your tush and wriggle yourself to the nearest full roll.

The Splash-Back Dump - You send the dump on its way, it drops like a depth charge into the bowl creating a column of cold bowl water that washes your bottom with a startlingly unpleasant shock. Now you're wet and embarrassed. Tip: Blot instead of wiping.

The Aborted Dump - You are in mid-dump when the phone rings. What do you do? ABORT! Pinch it off, go for the phone, and save the rest for later. It isn't pretty, but you've gotta do what you gotta do. The Alfresco Dump -- Everyone has had to go outdoors from time to time. This can be a rather pleasant experience really. The open air, the nature, and a good bush all contribute to the peaceful ambiance that our primitive forefathers must have enjoyed. What can screw up this harmonious interlude is a troop of Brownies or a patch of poison ivy.

The Childbirth Dump -- This is a dump that is simply too big to go through the aperture provided by nature for the purpose. You sit there, thinking over your dilemma. First it hurts, and it isn't going to get any better. You wonder if you'll ever see your loved ones again. You imagine the newspaper headlines screaming ''Man dies trying to hatch monster loaf.'' You realize you'll have to resolve the crisis before you can leave the bathroom. Basically there are only three things you can do: Scream, call an Obstetrician

lilmike86 Veteran

lilmike86

Posted
Posted
>_<

HOW COULD YOU!!!

THAT IS MY PASH RASH ALL OVER YOUR CHEST!!!!

I'M SO HURT I COULD VOMIT!!

I'M CHOKIN ON MY OWN RAGE HERE!!!

thats probably vomit your choking on actually

:P

*..KITAS..* Enthusiast

*..KITAS..*

Posted
Posted
you already have, the intelligent parts are distributed on here once every year and involve only one line of content.

Me no understandah the engrish...

:P

dude that looks like my boobs ;)

Why do you have pictures of my cheast!! :laugh:

I got them from ... YO MAMMA!!!! :kiss:

And they can't be your breastsesesss ... they be my breastesesss with my newest piercing! :P

gimme an hour and i finish work >_<

will you pay good money for it, not counterfeit like the last person *starts cursing under breath* :laugh:

Me givey you two dorrar!!

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