Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

[ax53b70p25]

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry it !

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

How are fat girls and mopeds alike?

They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.

How do you piss off a female archaeologist??

Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from.

How is a woman like a condom?

Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

What should you give a woman who has everything?

A man to show her how to work it.

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?

Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Why did God create woman ?

To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.

Why do women fake orgasms ?

Because they think men care.

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, she's been told twice already.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?

Made her chain too long

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men pass gas more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who won't do what she's told

I married a Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.

It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

Women will never be equal to men...

until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

[SLED]

90% GOLD

[GTR-32U]

Brilliant.....Totally Brilliant

[ax53b70p25]

i like the condom one that's my favourite!

[typevu]

hahaha good stuff

[nos man]

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?

Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

that's gold

[jenkies]

Women will never be equal to men...

until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

baaaahahahahah such a good aussie yobbo joke!!

awesome work there cheers for the laugh

[heslo]

Hahaha, awesome, I love it!

[Luciano]

Oldie but a goodie; this one got emailed to me at work today:

A father watched his young daughter playing in the garden.

He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was.

Tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.

Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.

He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.

He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.

"Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.

"They're mating," her father replied.

"What do you call the spider on top?" she asked.

"That's a Daddy Longlegs," her father answered.

"So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?" the little girl asked.

As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question he replied

"No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs."

The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment,then took her foot and stomped them flat.

"Well, we're not having any of that poofter shit in our garden" she said.

[JDM032]

lol at the daddy longlegs joke, thats funny.

[andz]

thanks for the laugh :laughing-smiley-014:

yah the condom one is the best, so true

[Krishy]

pure classics awesome work there

[Howie]

bwhahah i'm reading these to my wife atm, she's not impressed! but i'm cracking myself.

[ANGRYMANR33]

lol funny as can always use a good laugh

[ax53b70p25]

bwhahah i'm reading these to my wife atm, she's not impressed! but i'm cracking myself.

ha no shit i did the same!

[bluegts]

lol, I shoulda laughed quietly so the gf didn't hear, she found them less and less funny as she read hahahhaaa

[ax53b70p25]

Why did God create woman ? To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha farkin hahahahahahaha!!!!!

seriously if youre not screwing em would you bother speakin to em?

[Cubes]

Good stuff.

Had a chuckle to all of them. Now to show the other half. lol

[Madaz]

love the dady long legs one

and Pete yes yours a as Pete put it 90% funny 10% other

[allthewaytotheskyline]

f*cken halrious