Jump to content
SAU Community

Recommended Posts

  • 2 weeks later...

Man said to wife "Alright you sexy thing, bedroom now."

She looked at him and said, "Ooh, you kinky bastard."

He said, "No, seriously, the footy's about to start, f**k off!"

-D

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/13/#findComment-5696715
Share on other sites

Prostate Exam...Thai Style..

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the Australian

National Health Service, a friend of mine decided to have his next test done while visiting

Thailand where the beautiful nurses are rather more gentle and accommodating.

As usual he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side

on the bed and the nurse began the examination.

"At this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection" said the nurse.

"I haven't got an erection" said the man.

"No, but I have" replied the nurse.

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/13/#findComment-5697109
Share on other sites

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite sometime. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist.

Her doctor recommended that she go see Dr. Chang, the well known Chinese sex therapist, so she went to see him.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all your crose."

The woman did as she was told.

"Now, get down and craw reery reery fass to odder side of room."

Again, the woman did as she was instructed.

Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery reery fass back to me."

So she did.

Dr. Chang slowly shook his head and said, "Your probrem vewy bad, you haf Ed Zachary Disease, worse case I ever see, dat why you not haf sex or dates."

Confused, the woman asked, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?" Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eyes and replied, "Ed Zachary disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your ass."

  • Like 1
Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/13/#findComment-5703686
Share on other sites

article-0-004D47C400000258-96_468x329.jpg

A young Arab asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?"

The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun."

"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.

"It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body." said the father.

The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?

His father replied, "These are 'babouches", which keep us from burning our feet in the desert."

"Tell me," added the boy.

"Yes, my son?"

"Why are you living in Battle Creek , Michigan and still wearing all this crap?"

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/13/#findComment-5707326
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

a train hits a bus load of catholic school girls and they all perish. at the gates of heaven, St. Peter asks the girls whether they have ever had any contact with a penis... the first girls giggles and says she once touched the tip of one with her finger. peter asks the girls to dip the finger into the holy water. the next girl says she once fondled one, so sticks her hand in the holy water. suddenly there is a commotion and one girl pushes to the front, "Jenny, what's the rush?" asks Peter, she replies "i want to gargle that holy water before Kathy sticks her arse in it"

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/13/#findComment-5733019
Share on other sites

a train hits a bus load of catholic school girls and they all perish. at the gates of heaven, St. Peter asks the girls whether they have ever had any contact with a penis... the first girls giggles and says she once touched the tip of one with her finger. peter asks the girls to dip the finger into the holy water. the next girl says she once fondled one, so sticks her hand in the holy water. suddenly there is a commotion and one girl pushes to the front, "Jenny, what's the rush?" asks Peter, she replies "i want to gargle that holy water before Kathy sticks her arse in it"

That's a good one!

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/13/#findComment-5734131
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

PAINTING THE PORCH

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "Handy-Woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those Dumb Blonde Jokes we've been getting by e-mail."

Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied. "I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip.

"And by the way," the blonde added,

"it's not a Porch; it's a Lexus."

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/13/#findComment-5774427
Share on other sites

A joke from one of the funniest comediens ever to walk this earth, Mike Reid.....

A man goes to the doctors.

Man: Doctor, I've got a terrible urge to put my penis in the bacon slicer.

Doctor: Jesus, where do you work?

Man: Tescos

Doctor: Shit. I'll give you some pills, if things get worse, come and see me on Wednesday.

Monday morning the door burst open.

Man (crying): Doc, I've done it, I've put my dick in the bacon slicer.

Doctor: Oh my god, how is it?

Man: Fine

Doctor: What about the bacon slicer?

Man: The bitch gave her notice in.

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/13/#findComment-5774474
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now



  • Latest Posts

    • For these last 7 years of ownership, I've always had to use a small scissor jack under one of the front tow hooks to raise the front just enough so my low-profile jack fits under to reach my subframe jack point. I'm beginning to get annoyed of always having to do this. Are there any lower low-profile jacks that fit under the gtr lip on a dropped car?
    • Seat of the pants assessment of the new intake: The car is way less "doughy" when hitting the loud pedal, especially off idle when stopped or in traffic, I did use a cheapo lazer thermal thingo to measure the temp around where the pod filter got its air, it was between 55 - 60°C, in saying this the car was shut off and not moving, so the OEM intake pipe was not supplying any fresh air to where the pod was when the car was at least moving A weird bonus was induction noise on the throttle in the cabin increased a bit,  I was worried that I was actually going to lose some of that induction noise I love so much, outside though, when I got the daughter to do a WOT drive by pass for me, the induction noise has increased alot when on the throttle, not quite ITB doort, but well up there I'm extremely happy with the results and have been exploring the country roads in the region  As for house mods: 1.New front fence is up and is awesome, it really upgraded how the joint looks from the street, and the added security is nice 2. Electricians have replace some interior lights, and with more lighting in the garage, a few new motion detecting lights out the front above the garage, front room, and at the front door, which I have already found heaps helpful coming and going, also now has fancy pants CCTV all round the house The only hold point for power though is the solar and batteries due to supply issues, although this will happen over the next few weeks 3. I have done a heap of landscaping out the front and I'm almost ready to do a new small retaining wall with some nice blocks to replace the brick and cemented in rocks around the raised garden beds cemented in river stone "was the fashion at the time" the house was built. I currently have a pallet of retaining wall blocks and 2 bulka bags of 20mm blue metal to replace the wood chip that is in the raised garden beds around the house 4. I now have 3 big raised garden beds for out the back to grow some vegetables, about 70cm high, 200cm long and 100cm wide 5. My 2 compost bins are already pretty full with brown, green and kitchen waste from the landscaping I'vedone so far, but they will probably take a few months to break down, so anything else that gets chopped, trimmed, and kitchen waste will just start filling the base of the raised garden beds to about 30cm before I start throwing 40cm of good compost, and stuff, for the vegetables to grow in, I'll need a few ton of compost and soil, but the local supplier can sent me bulka bags of the stuff Basically the logs, wood chips and a few strategically placed rocks for drainage, will give the beds some good organic materials down low to break down over time, and they will hold moisture during the warmer months to save the water in my big arse water tank if we don't get alot of rain So, all in all, the car and house mods are going well, and I'm really enjoying being retired, I sleep in too 0700 and slowly plod around inside until I feel like actually doing anything, and only work in the yard for as long as want, which has actually been alot over the last few weeks,  although when you look at it, it seems that not a huge amount of work has been done,  until I look at the before I started the work pics Happy days and good times indeed 
    • hahaha yeah. Plan is to get side skirts and probably just rear pods. But going to do them one-by-one. I've got a set that I really like from RHDJapen, but that one isn't shipped to AU. So need to find someone who can get it for me
    • Here's an idea, answer the questions I asked you as they are trying to work out WHY the LSD will be binding up in a straight line.
×
×
  • Create New...