Jump to content
SAU Community

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 62.7k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • chaos

    7164

  • Ska

    5791

  • BelGarion

    3645

  • Nexus9

    3590

Top Posters In This Topic

hahahahahaha sorry to all the cat lovers but this is hell funny :D

How To Clean Your Toilet - The Fun Way

Instructions on how to clean your toilet

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside

where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,

The Dog

Hangover Ratings

1 star hangover

No pain. no real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when you woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you.

You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka and Red Bulls.

However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as the Sahara.

Even vegetarians are craving a Cheeseburger and a bag of fries.

2 star hangover

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler.

The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a full English breakfast.

Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.

3 star hangover

Slight headache. Stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space cadet and not so productive.

Anytime a girl or lad walks by you gag because the perfume/aftershave reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 am.

Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen doughnuts and a litre of coke watching daytime TV.

You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 2 Sausage Rolls and a litre of diet coke yet you haven't peed once.

4 star hangover

You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might spew.

Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze.

You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that you (depending on your gender) either missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, or, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the dodgems.

Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from a second-grade class circa 1976.

You would give a weeks pay for one of the following - home time, a doughnut and somewhere to be alone, or a Time Machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before.

You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.

5 star hangover

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits next to you.

Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy.

You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth.

Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you.

You'd cry but that would take the last drop of moisture left in your body.

Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe ..... very gently.

6 star hangover

You arrive home and climb into bed.

Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi.

You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises inside your head wake you up.

You notice that your bed has been cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly around the room.

No matter what you do you now, you're going to chuck.

You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht under full sail.

After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off all the pictures, you find the toilet.

If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your impersonation of walrus mating calls.

You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the world you have left (the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus noises, spitting, and farting. Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short lived.

Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse and he/she usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark.

With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15-minute intervals, but your body won't relent.

You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and swear that you saw your tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the last occasion.

It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day as you try to climb into bed. She/he abuses you again for trying to get into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair.

You reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them driving you to the hospital.

Work is simply not an option.

The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick again, like moving.

You vow never to touch a drop again and who knows for the next two or three hours at least you might even succeed.

OK, now hands up all those who have never had a six star hangover!!

Thought so!!

4 star hangover

You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might spew.

Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze.

You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that you (depending on your gender) either missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, or, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the dodgems.

Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from a second-grade class circa 1976.

You would give a weeks pay for one of the following - home time, a doughnut and somewhere to be alone, or a Time Machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before.

You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.

I had one of those on Sunday morning :throwup:

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.



  • Similar Content

  • Latest Posts

    • Don't even try to run it on the stock ECU if you're going to have the boost controller bring boost above ~10 psi. I've already told you that. If you use the Nistune ECU, you will need to CAREFULLY read the available documentation for Neo tuning, and read some threads on the Nistune forums, to discover the various things you have to do to prevent the ECU from going bananas when the boost is too high. The is a table associated with th boost sensor that must be modified to prevent it from shitting the bed. This is just one of the things that you will need to do to the tune in Nistune, because the Neo turbo ECU will be expecting to see a number of things (such as the TCS) that are not there, and you have to block the DTCs on those. It is totally not surprising to me that you are having the problems that you are, but the solutions to these problems have been known for >15 years. So just get it done.
    • Hi. Sry iam not a mechanic and iam not at the car atm so i dont know 100% but they told they measure those and even try to change those. AFM they have two. Coils are new a they have my old one too. Plugs too. ECU...we have 25 NEO stock and Nistune 25 NEO.   But i dont know if any one those could be the problem and why/if/what can cause this, Only thing they did not check is fuel...but that walbro 255 is new(like 1,5 years)... That fuel pressure gauge idk...but i let them know Any suggestions?   EDIT: how can they know if it is like you say he ECU pull power when it reaches a specific boost level that is too high? Tha car has boost controler
    • Can you clarify what you mean by boost cut, do you mean it misfires both when under load (driving) and when stationary and out of gear? Or does the ECU pull power when it reaches a specific boost level that is too high (boost control issue)? Does it occur at idle with no throttle? When you say "the ECU is OK", what ECU is it and why do you think it is OK? Have you used the NEO ECU, and if so do you have a MAP sensor attached? Same for the AFM, why do you think it is OK? Do you have any way to put a fuel pressure gauge on it (even just a mechanical one between the fuel filter and fuel rail)?
    • Hi.. Just another problem. So maybe you can help. I(my mechanic) done swap from my RB20DE NEO to RB25DET NEO. Everything is OK but we have a boost cut. Coils/Plugs are ok...AFM is ok. ECU is ok. I have Walbro 255 but it "changed" sound few months ago(you can hear it ouside) you did not hear that when it was new(maybe faulty?) Sooo...what now? What can cause this boost cut? It is even when you standing still...
×
×
  • Create New...