QLD Whoretown...

[chaos]

was last time i was there

[Oz]

afternoon all :wavey:

so what have I been missing????

[chaos]

nada

[Ska]

zippo

[chaos]

woohoo

[Keegs]

nothing

[chaos]

this joke is such a crack up

A couple were going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don't want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver:"He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.

"Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the back yard! She better not shit in the vegetable garden again either!"

[Ska]

good one

[Ska]

Well I'm off c yaz!

:wavey:

[chaos]

cya :wavey:

[Oz]

thats gold ben gold lmao

later cyrus :wavey:

[Ska]

page ownership

[chaos]

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths.So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed.As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

[chaos]

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning.

The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in obvious agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, noooo... I'll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside. She began to massage his privates.

She then asked him, "How does that feel?"

He replied still in agony, "It feels great, but it doesn't do a thing for my thumb. It still hurts like hell!"

lets go play golf oz

[Keegs]

lmao ben

[chaos]

hehehehehe

[chaos]

A couple wins a trip to an expensive golf resort. When they arrive, they decided to head straight to the front nine and get in a few holes in before dinner. As the man was getting ready to make his first drive on hole one, he stopped and looked down the fairway and all the way down on both sides were huge houses that had to be worth at least $500,000. He then looked at his wife and said, "Honey, Let's be real careful not to make any mistakes on this course. I would hate to pay for something around here. Some of these windows are probably worth more than my car"

The man then takes his first swing. SLICE!!!! The ball heads straight for a house and goes through the window. The man looks over at his wife and says, "Let's go see what the damage is"

They come up to the front door and ring the door bell. I large man opens the door and holds the golf ball up. "Is this yours", he said.

The husband apologizes and offers the man some money to pay for the window. The Large man says, that won't be necessary, please come in my home. He brings the couple to the living room where the window was broken. He said " I am so happy your ball came through that window. Do you see that broken Vase on the coffee table"

The couple nodded wondering where this conversation was going.

"I am a genie, and I have been stuck in that damn vase for over 1000 years. You have freed me and for that I am willing to give you each a wish. The third one I will use on my self" The genie looks over to the man and says, "What will your wish be sir"

The man replies, "I have always wanted to have my own chain of restaurants"

The genie says, "Done, You own your own chain of restaurants. What can I do for you Mrs.?"

The women replies, "I have always wanted to own my own chain of Beauty Salons."

The genie says, "Done, you own your own chain of Beauty Salons."

The man then looks at the genie and asks, "What is your wish going to be?"

The Genie replies, "As I said earlier, I have been in that damn vase for over 1000 years and for over a 1000 years I haven't had sex. My wish is to take your wife upstairs and have sex with her for 3 hours."

The man looks at his wife and they both agreed since they both got what they wanted. The woman and the Genie went upstairs to the bedroom while the man stayed downstairs watching TV After 3 hours the Genie and the woman started walking back down the stairs.

The women looked at the genie and said, "That was amazing"

The genie looked at her and said, "What's amazing is your husband still believes in Genies"

[Oz]

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning.

The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in obvious agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, noooo... I'll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside. She began to massage his privates.

She then asked him, "How does that feel?"

He replied still in agony, "It feels great, but it doesn't do a thing for my thumb. It still hurts like hell!"

lets go play golf oz

MMMMMM true that ben meet u on the fair way

[chaos]

will do

[predator]

I MADE MY FIRST RIVETS!!

how exciting!! and they even worked.. *stoked*