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I got a Hankering for SCHNITZEL

adznight

By adznight,
in Victoria

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Jamezilla Grand Master

Jamezilla

Posted
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Schnitz n Tits - Thursdays at the Newmarket Hotel, Alma Rd - St Kilda.

It's not classy, flashy, or high quality - so I'm sure it will do just fine.

What would you guys do without me?

And who gives a crap about a carpark - as we wont' be drivin' home :)

I say an SAU bucks night is a top plan.

We all take a sickie on the Friday - and go party, broadway style ;)

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funkymonkey Grand Master

funkymonkey

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hahaha nooo i'm goin to syd on thursday-week night, I'll be back on tuesday...

anytime before or after is good...

James - true... close to public transport then?

Jamezilla Grand Master

Jamezilla

Posted
Posted

OK - my mistake: Inkerman St

* highly inapproprite image :)

map_girl.jpg

A review:

Tits n' Schnitz at the Newmarket Hotel in Inkerman St. on Thursday nights. Cheap beer, cheap massive schnitzels, topless barmaids and strippers later on. It is in my opinion, the roughest pub in Melbourne (although i don't venture outside of the inner city).

Top stuff ;)

Jamezilla Grand Master

Jamezilla

Posted
Posted

Yeah - I'm thinking that...

You can book tables on the 'entertainment' nights - would need to get an idea of numbers though. They pay 'extra' attention to the buck :(

When for? 27th May?

adznight Newbie

adznight

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There's another marvel on display which makes this night at the Newmarket so good. And it comes from a tiny little kitchen that pumps out the greatest Hungarian food in the neighbourhood, under the watchful eye of a former Blue Danube matriarch. Although I'm personally a sucker for the chicken parma, once you've sat in front of a schnitzel like this you know your life has changed for the better. It's so huge it resembles a wheel on a road train. And it comes with a side of creamy spinach that might not win any prettiness awards but tastes just dreamy. Put the two together and you've got a whole lotta smiling goin' on.

It's this combination of tits 'n' schnitz, as it's affectionately known to regulars, that makes the Newmarket a sell out every Thursday. And before you go getting all thingy about checkin' out strippers over a plate of chow, let me assure you there's nary a pole nor bottle of reef oil in sight. Still, it's certified stripping action and the women will jiggle their assets (or "milk themselves like a cow", as one confused friend put it).

The four, shall we say, performances start on the half hour, every hour from 8.30. In a pre-show meet 'n' greet the gals get around the room to introduce themselves and give you the opportunity to drop a few extra bucks in their plastic beer jug. Like I said, it's all class down at the Newmarket.

Twenty minutes later a support crew resembling a lost platoon from Dad's Army take their places on the lights, music and props fronts. And so unfolds the entertainment. Moving between tables the gals unwind a routine that is often more choreographed than a Rock Eisteddfod. From elderly couples leaning over a Szegedine Goulash to a twenty something birthday party, various parts of the crowd provide a backdrop for performances that are ingeniously designed to make optimum use of space and, er, skill. And while the Lazy Susan routine is more amazing than sleazy, there's certainly the occasional cringeworthy moment.

So hey, don't take yer mother. But on the whole, most folk ought have a decent night out, with a hefty feed and a few pots of CUB's finest, as this age old performance art continues to set a cracking pace in Inkerman Street, St. Kilda.

Jamezilla Grand Master

Jamezilla

Posted
Posted
round that area, uve got classy tits inside, and trailer park trash tits ouside

is that correct???

Can I just assure and reassure people that there is nothing classy at all about the proposed evening of breast and breasts. The 'performers' are skanks. The 'local workforce' are also skanks... those who aren't guys anyway. I'd even hazard a guess that the barmaids are not about to win Miss Universe competitions.

The most attractive part of the evening will be the beads of icy water glistening on the side of a jug of Carlton's finest amber ale. Mmmmm.

So... have we set a date? :D

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