Jump to content
SAU Community

A joke for the day

Tosh

By Tosh,
in New South Wales

 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 1.7k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Posted Images

madmurf Community Regular

madmurf

Posted
Posted

Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains.

>To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room.

>No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly.

>They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole

>time, so they voted to take turns.

>

>

>The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning

>with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.

>They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly,

>I just sat up and watched him all night."

>

>The next night it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, same

>thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot.

>They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man,

>that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night."

>

>The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football

>player; a man's man.

>The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good

>morning." They couldn't believe it! They said,

>"Man, what happened?"

>

>He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and

>kissed him good night.

>He sat up and watched me all night long."

madmurf Community Regular

madmurf

Posted
Posted

READ THE STORY FIRST.

>

>

>In a zoo in California, a mother tiger gave birth to a rare set of triplet

>tiger cubs. Unfortunately, due to complications in the pregnancy, the

>cubs were born pre-maturely and due to their tiny size, they died

>shortly after birth. The mother tiger after recovering from the delivery

>suddenly started to decline in health, although physically she was fine.

>

>The veterinarians felt that the loss of her litter had caused the tigress

>to

>fall into a depression.

>

>The doctors decided that if the tigress could surrogate another mother's

>cubs, perhaps she would improve. After checking with many other zoos

>across

>the country, the depressing news was that there were no tiger cubs of the

>right age to introduce to the mourning mother.

>

>The veterinarians decided to try something that had never been tried in a

>zoo environment.

>

>Sometimes a mother of one species will take on the care of a different

>species.

>

>The only "orphans" that could be found quickly were a litter of wiener

>cops.

>

>The zookeepers and vets wrapped the piglets in tiger skin and placed the

>babies around the mother tiger. Would they become cubs or pork???

>

>

>Take a look ... you won't believe your eyes!!!!!

post-14130-1147652782.jpg

post-14130-1147652799.jpg

madmurf Community Regular

madmurf

Posted
Posted

> I OWE MY MOTHER

>

>1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

>"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

>cleaning"

>

>2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

>"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

>

>3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

>"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of

>next week!"

>

>4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

>" Because I said so, that's why."

>

>5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .

>"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to

>the store with me."

>

>6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

>"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

>

>7. My mother taught me IRONY

>"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

>

>8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

>"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

>

>9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

>"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

>

>10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

>"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

>

>11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

>"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

>

>12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

>"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

>

>13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

>"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

>

>14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.

>"Stop acting like your father!"

>

>15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

>"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't

>have wonderful parents like you do."

>

>16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

>"Just wait until we get home."

>

>17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

>"You are going to get it when you get home!"

>

>18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

>"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

>

>

>19. My mother taught me ESP.

>"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

>

>20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.

>"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

>

>21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

>"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

>

>22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

>"You're just like your father."

>

>23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

>"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

>

>24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

>"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

>

>25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

>"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

>*****************************************************************************

***

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share
Go to topic listing


  • Similar Content

  • Latest Posts

    • hoodedreeper
      Chris' Toyota Mark ii JZX110

      By hoodedreeper · Posted

      Welcome to my 2004 Toyota Mark ii IR-V Fortuna (series 2) With a 1JZ-GTE powerplant under the bonnet (hood) it'll give me plenty of scope for power upgrades. For those who aren't familiar with imports, the 1JZ-GTE is a 2.5L 6 cylinder VVTi engine with a single turbocharger. This has the factory R154 5 speed gearbox, along with a aftermarket 2 way LSD differential (brand unknown). Under the arches are a set of CST Zero 1 alloys, 18x9 +30 225/40 up front and 18x9.5 +15 265/35 on the rear. The car was quite low in Japan and there's evidence of the wheels catching the rolled arches/fenders. The tyre's aren't great so I'm in two minds whether to replace both or just the tyres and put up with the wider wheels on the rear. The car still uses stock brakes with the addition of some braided hoses. The exterior is stock with the exception of a BN Sports front bumper and a replacement Fortuna grill  Moving to the interior, the steering wheel has been replaced with a dished MOMO steering wheel (which will get swapped for my Momo Tuner for the time being) Defi Link Gauges are mounted above the climate controls and on the A pillar, the Oil Temp,Oil Pressure,Water Temp and Boost gauges should help with spirited and track driving  The stock seats have been replaced with some retrimmed Recaro bucket seats. Being a larger build these are a little snug, unfortunately the orange isn't for me so I'll look into replacing these down the line. Other modifications include a twin plate clutch, Blitz intercooler, Evolve alloy radiator, a stainless exhaust with decat, HKS EVC-S boost controller and coil overs
    • hoodedreeper
      Chris' Toyota Mark ii JZX110

      By hoodedreeper · Posted

      Apologies for the long read My R34 GTT was up for sale at the beginning of spring due to a few repairs creeping up. The strut tops needed replacing, roof and bonnet (hood) painting (yay for 3 stage pearl) and the underside stripped and treated. I sold the car which allowed me to be in a much better place financially. Leading up to the sale I was already thinking about the replacement. In an ideal world it needed to be a good all-rounder. Something I can mess around with, modify, do track days, do the school run, go on long drives etc.  Options included but not limited to... Laurel C35, Evo 8/9, Civic FD2, Impreza Hawkeye, Aristo and even an Audi S4 Avant (I've already got the Mazda 6 wagon). But there was always one car at the top of the list The Toyota Mark ii JZX110 I found an advert on a Facebook group for an example in Japan, from a seller called Jon at Rising Sun Exports. A few messages back and forth and Jon calls me from Yokohama one morning (or afternoon in his case). He briefly explained the import process, the costs involved and a repeat of the advert. After much deliberation, the price was agreed and the sale was locked in. I've never imported a vehicle so I jumped into the unknown head first. The money transfer was completed through wise.com (fees apply), very easy to use and the money was with him within a day or two.  The car suspension was raised for the vessel and the car dropped off at the port. It was 7 weeks later when the bill of lading was received and the freight invoice sent to me, followed by the export certificate a couple of days after (both digital copies) In the mean time the port had been in contact. I needed an agent to deal with the NOVA (notification of vehicle arrival) along with the tax/duty invoice, this was £75.00. The port also had a fee of £100, I'm guessing to cover the cost of the 10 day 'free storage' and for moving the car off the boat etc. They need a copy of the vehicle invoice, freight invoice and export certificate to allow the vehicle to pass through customs. The vessel arrived on Tuesday 5th August, the tax/duty invoice was generated and sent over. This is generally tax 20% and duty 10% of the vehicle value. Although the invoice came in at a higher amount than I had calculated. Once HMRC had received the payment the vehicle could be released from customs. I thought once the tax/duty was paid you could collect at any point, that's not the case. Your agent will need to book a collection slot, I requested Thursday 7th which was accepted, with a 9:00am slot allocated. It was a 5:00am start from Norfolk heading to Southampton. We eventually found the compound, upon presenting the bill of lading and some ID they released the car (they drove it out of the compound to the front ready for us to load up). The email from the port stated each slot had a 10 minute window, which seemed abit farfetched but the staff said it's not a strict rule. We were there for approx. 30-40 mins in total. A week prior to collecting I contacted my garage and explained the situation, I was able to get an inspection slot that afternoon. For the registration, DVLA require the car to be insured, for this I used a company called Adrian Flux who can insure the vehicle using the VIN number. 
    • nxh
      R34 4 door side skirt identification

      By nxh · Posted

      Hey guys, looking for these side skirts if anyone can help me out. 
    • TurboTapin
      Jacks that fit under GTR lips that can reach the subframe?

      By TurboTapin · Posted

      Wife and I are still looking for a new home. One condition was a large enough garage for a full-size lift in one bay. Now if only we could find something... We've been looking for almost a year now.
    • TurboTapin
      Jacks that fit under GTR lips that can reach the subframe?

      By TurboTapin · Posted

      Thanks everyone for the ideas! Sadly, ramps are a no go for me. With young kids at home, I do most of my work late at night while they're sleeping. Starting the car multiple times wouldn't be a great idea.  I'll go see one of those new long reach low profile jacks and take a couple measurements to see if they will fit.   
×
×
  • Create New...