Jump to content
SAU Community

Recommended Posts

Hahaha!

Heard one on the Radio tother day...

Little Johnny is playing in the backyard with his mate Timmy and runs inside to his Grandfather and asks...

"Grandpa, what's it called when 2 people sleep in the same room and one is on top?"

Grandpa, not wanting to lie to his Grandson, decides to be honest and says, "well Johnny, it's called sexual intercourse."

"Ok, thanks Grandpa" says Johnny and runs back outside to play...

A few minutes later he runs back in and says, "Grandpa, it's called Bunk Beds and Timmy's Mum wants to talk to you!"

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/93585-funnys/page/34/#findComment-6919749
Share on other sites

one more

Little Billy asks his dad for a telly in his room. Dad reluctantly agrees.

Next day Billy comes downstairs and asks, 'Dad, what's love juice?'

Dad looks horrified and tells Billy all about sex.

Billy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.

Dad says, 'So what were you watching?'

Billy says, ' Wimbledon .'

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/93585-funnys/page/34/#findComment-6919783
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
HE MUST PAY


Husband and wife had a tiff. The wife called up her mum and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."
Mum said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.


-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Today's Short Reading from the Bible...
From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth." Then He made the earth round...and then he laughed and he laughed and he laughed!

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/93585-funnys/page/34/#findComment-6979576
Share on other sites

  • 5 weeks later...

A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the Doctor.
The Doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
So, later that day the man went to a store and bought himself a starter pistol, and ran home to his wife.
That night the two were having sex, and found themselves in the 69 position.
When the man began feeling the urge to ejaculate, he fired the starter pistol.
The next day he went back to the Doctor who asked how it had gone.


The man answered, "Not well. When I fired the pistol, my wife pooped in my face, bit three inches off my penis, and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/93585-funnys/page/34/#findComment-7028848
Share on other sites

An elderly couple is attending mass. About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to the husband, "I just let out a silent fart; what do you think i should do?" He replies, "Put a battery in your hearing aid."

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/93585-funnys/page/34/#findComment-7028984
Share on other sites

A lady throws a fancy dress party where each guest is to show up as their favorite emotion.

A guest arrives dressed in green. "Envy!" she says, and lets him in.

A lady comes dressed in red. She says, "Anger!" and lets her in.

Her gay friend arrives dressed in Pink Feathers. "I'm tickled Pink" he says and she lets him in.

Two naked Jamaican guys walk up to the front door. One guy is holding a bowl of pudding with his penis stuck in it, and the other guy has his penis in a hollowed-out pear.

"Wait a minute," she says to them. "This is supposed to be an emotion party!" "What emotions are you 2 dressed as?"

The first guy says in a thick Jamaican accent, "Well I'm deep in dis-pear," and his friend replies, "and I'm f**king dis-custard."

  • Like 1
Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/93585-funnys/page/34/#findComment-7029010
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

At the National Art Gallery , in Dublin Ireland , a couple were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men, totally naked, sitting on a park bench . Two of the figures had black penises but the one in the middle, had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of the black man in a predominately white, patriarchal society.

“In fact,” he pointed out, “some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.”
After the curator left, an Irish man approached the couple and said, “Would you like to know what the painting is really about?”

“Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?” asked the husband.
“Because I’m the guy who painted it.” he replied.

”In fact, there are no black men depicted at all. They’re just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/93585-funnys/page/34/#findComment-7053459
Share on other sites

Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua . As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."

The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."

They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.
The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"
The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."
The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."
The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing him that a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but thought, "What the heck," so she put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.

Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."
The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog"

The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"
The woman with the Chihuahua said, ..........
..................

................................

..........................................
"A Chihuahua ? They gave me a f.....ing Chihuahua ?!"

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/93585-funnys/page/34/#findComment-7053471
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...
  • 3 weeks later...

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now



  • Latest Posts

    • The rain is the best time to push to the edge of the grip limit. Water lubrication reduces the consumption of rubber without reducing the fun. I take pleasure in driving around the outside of numpties in Audis, WRXs, BRZs, etc, because they get all worried in the wet. They warm up faster than the engine oil does.
    • When they're dead cold, and in the wet, they're not very fun. RE003 are alright, they do harden very quickly and turn into literally $50 Pace tyres.
    • Yeah, I thought that Reedy's video was quite good because he compared old and new (as in, well used and quite new) AD09s, with what is generally considered to be the fast Yokohama in this category (ie, sporty road/track tyres) and a tyre that people might be able to use to extend the comparo out into the space of more expensive European tyres, being the Cup 2. No-one would ever agree that the Cup 2 is a poor tyre - many would suggest that it is close to the very top of the category. And, for them all to come out so close to each other, and for the cheaper tyre in the test to do so well against the others, in some cases being even faster, shows that (good, non-linglong) tyres are reaching a plateau in terms of how good they can get, and they're all sitting on that same plateau. Anyway, on the AD08R, AD09, RS4 that I've had on the car in recent years, I've never had a problem in the cold and wet. SA gets down to 0-10°C in winter. Not so often, but it was only 4°C when I got in the car this morning. Once the tyres are warm (ie, after about 2km), you can start to lay into them. I've never aquaplaned or suffered serious off-corner understeer or anything like that in the wet, that I would not have expected to happen with a more normal tyre. I had some RE003s, and they were shit in the dry, shit in the wet, shit everywhere. I would rate the RS4 and AD0x as being more trustworthy in the wet, once the rubber is warm. Bridgestone should be ashamed of the RE003.
    • This is why I gave the disclaimer about how I drive in the wet which I feel is pretty important. I have heard people think RS4's are horrible in the rain, but I have this feeling they must be driving (or attempting to drive) anywhere close to the grip limit. I legitimately drive at the speed limit/below speed the limit 100% of the time in the rain. More than happy to just commute along at 50kmh behind a train of cars in 5th gear etc. I do agree with you with regards to the temp and the 'quality' of the tyre Dose. Most UHP tyres aren't even up to temperature on the road anyway, even when going mad initial D canyon carving. It would be interesting to see a not-up-to-temp UHP tyre compared against a mere... normal...HP tyre at these temperatures. I don't think you're (or me in this case) is actually picking up grip with an RS4/AD09 on the road relative to something like a RE003 because the RS4/AD09 is not up to temp and the RE003 is closer to it's optimal operating window.
    • Either the bearing has been installed backwards OR the gearbox input shaft bearing is loosey goosey.   When in doubt, just put in a Samsonas in.
×
×
  • Create New...