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sau invasion of S1? :P

hahaha probably...lets wait though...until we have a defcent amount of people...

note: is this immature and stupid, yep but who cares...to quote many 5 year olds, "they started it"!!

If you can read this whole story without tears of laugher running down your

cheeks then there's no hope for you!

*Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the

first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better!

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They

actually have a Chili Cook-off about the

time the Rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot

at the Astrodome.

The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was

visiting Texas from the East Coast:

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili

cook-off.

The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be

standing there at the judge's table

asking for directions to the Budweiser truck, when the call came in.

I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili

wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides,

they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so accepted".

Here are the scorecards from the event:

*********************************************

Chili # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could

remove dried paint from your driveway.

Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These

Texans are crazy.

************************************

Chili # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm

supposed to taste besides pain.

I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver.

They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

************************************************

Chili # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.

Judge # 2 -- A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill.

My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by

now.

Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back,

now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced

from all of the beer.

*****************************

Chili # 4 Bubba's Black Magic

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or

other mild foods, not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to

taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds?

Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills.

That 300-lb. *censored* is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste

I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

***********************************

Chili # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding

considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato.

Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can

no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics.

i felt the need to share this with all of you :P

i rofl'd so much i think i pee'd a little :D

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