Jump to content
SAU Community

Recommended Posts

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing. His eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There's silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "Okay, now what?"

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/2/#findComment-4235579
Share on other sites

2 nuns were out riding their bikes to the market, they decided to take a different route.

The 1st nun leant over and said to the 2nd nun quietly, i've never come this way before'

the 2nd nun replied saying, " me too, its the cobblestones"...

lol

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/2/#findComment-4239917
Share on other sites

A man and woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reaches over and slices the man's penis off and angrily tosses it out the car window.

Driving behind the couple is a man and his 12 year old daughter. The little girl is chatting away at her father, when all of a sudden, the penis smacks against the windshield, sticks for a moment, then flies off.

Surprised, the daughter asks her father," Daddy, what was that?"

Not wanting to expose his twelve year old daughter to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replies," It was only a bug, Honey."

The daughter sits with a confused look on her face and after a few minutes says," Sure had a big penis, didn't it?"

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/2/#findComment-4240048
Share on other sites

> Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from

> a farmer for $100.

>

> The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. The

> next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the

> donkey died.' Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my

> money back.'

>

> The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it

> already.' Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

>

> The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him? Chuck said, 'I'm going to

> raffle him off.' The farmer said You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'

> Chuck said, 'Sure I can Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

>

> A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened

> with that dead donkey?' Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500

> tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.'

>

> The farmer said,

> 'Didn't anyone complain?' Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave

> him

> his two dollars back.'

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/2/#findComment-4242085
Share on other sites

After a hailstorm, a blonde finds her car full of dings. She takes it to the local body shop and asks how to remove them.

The mechanic, deciding to mess with her, says, "Oh, all you have to do is put your mouth on the tailpipe and blow as hard as you can. They'll pop right out."

The blonde goes home, parks her car in front of her house and starts blowing on the tailpipe as hard as she can.

Meanwhile, her blonde friend drives by and asks what she's up to. "I’m just trying to get the dings out of my car," she says. Her friend replies, "You're so stupid. If you want that to work you have to roll up the windows."

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/2/#findComment-4242266
Share on other sites

After a hailstorm, a blonde finds her car full of dings. She takes it to the local body shop and asks how to remove them.

The mechanic, deciding to mess with her, says, "Oh, all you have to do is put your mouth on the tailpipe and blow as hard as you can. They'll pop right out."

The blonde goes home, parks her car in front of her house and starts blowing on the tailpipe as hard as she can.

Meanwhile, her blonde friend drives by and asks what she's up to. "I'm just trying to get the dings out of my car," she says. Her friend replies, "You're so stupid. If you want that to work you have to roll up the windows."

might give that a go thanx for the tip

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/2/#findComment-4242312
Share on other sites

Did you read that one Kell ^^^ ;)

If you want to get any dents out ...........

:thumbsup:

you would need a really big mouth to fit around the exhaust on her car

oh wait :)

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

JOKES

thats wat this thread is all about haha

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/2/#findComment-4243673
Share on other sites

A real story by a Man who was standing in a queue in

> Tesco's.........

>

> I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in

> Tesco and was

> standing in the queue at the till.

>

> A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

>

> On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot

> Diet again,

> although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up

> in the hospital last

> time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in

> an intensive care

> ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs

> in both arms.

>

> I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the

> way that it

> works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets

> and simply

> eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the

> food is

> nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

>

> I have to mention here that practically everyone in the

> queue was by now

> enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind

> her.

>

> Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in

> that condition

> because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because

> I'd been

> sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.

>

> I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was

> laughing so

> hard as he staggered out the door.

>

> Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food??!

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/242623-jokes/page/2/#findComment-4243977
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now



  • Latest Posts

    • Back again. I returned to Japan in Jul/Aug to spend time with the car on my birthday and remind myself what all the sacrifice and compromise is for. It happened to line up with the monthly morning meet in Okutama, which I have been wanting to go to for a long time. It's a unique event at a unique spot with really rare, interesting, and quirky cars. It's where all the oldheads and OGs gather. The nighttime scene at DKF certainly has its place and should be experienced if you're into cars, but there's too much bad attention and negativity around it now. IMO the better time is Sunday morning at DKF or Okutama; it's more chill and relaxed. I'm glad I was finally able to go, but not sure it's worth the drive from all the way from Nagoya immediately the day before, unless I was already staying in Tokyo for the days right before the meet, because you have to wake up quite early to make it in time. Funnily enough though I didn't drive the car all that much this trip because it was just too damn hot. While there were zero issues and running temps were nominal and the A/C was strong, RBs already run crazy hot as it is. Sure, it took it all like a champ but something about driving these cars in the ridiculous heat/humidity bothers me and makes me feel like I'm asking too much of it. I'm just me being weird and treating the car like a living thing with feelings; I'm mechanically sympathetic to a fault. Instead I was mainly driving something else around - a KX4(silver) 2001 X-Trail GT, that I acquired in May. There's a few different flavors to choose from with Xs, but visually it's the Nissan version of the Honda CR-V. Mechanically it's a whole different story as this, being the top-trim GT, has an SR20VET mated to a four speed auto and full-time AWD! It was a very affordable buy in exceptional condition inside and out, with very low mileage...only 48k kms. Most likely it was owned by an older person who kept it garaged and well-maintained, so I'm really happy with how it all worked out. It literally needs zero attention at the moment, albeit except for some minor visual touch-ups. I wanted something quirky, interesting, and practical and for sure it handily delivers on all three of those aspects. I was immediately able to utilize the cargo and passenger capacity to it's full extent. It's a lot of fun to drive and is quite punchy through 1st and 2nd. It's very unassuming -in the twisty bits it's a lot more composed than one would think at a glance- and it'll be even better once I get better tires on it(yes, it's an SUV but still a little boat-y for my liking). So...now I have two golden-era Nissans in silver. One sports car and one that does everything else; the perfect two-car solution I think👍 The rest of the trip...I was able to turn my stressed brain off and enjoy it, although I didn't quite get to do as much as I thought. I did some interesting things, met some interesting people, and happened into some interesting situations however, that's all for another post though only if people really want to know. Project-wise, I went back to Mine's again to discuss more plans and am hoping to wrap that up real soon; keep watching this space if that interests you. Additionally, while working in the tormenting sweatbox that is the warehouse, I was able to organize most of the myriad of parts that my friend is storing for me along with the cars, and the 34 has a nice little spot carved out for it: And since it can get so damn hot in there, that made it all the more easy to remove all the damn gauges that have mostly been an eyesore all this time. Huzzah. I was standing there looking at the car and said 'f**k it'. The heat basically makes the adhesive backing on the gauge mounts more pliable to work with, so it was far less stressful getting this done. I didn't fully clean it up or chase the wiring though; that will happen once I have the car in closer possession. Another major reason to remove all that stuff is to give people less reasons to get in my car and steal s**t while it's being exported/imported when/if the time comes, which leads us to my next point... ...and that is even though it's time in Japan is technically almost up since it's a November car and the X would be coming in March, I'm still not entirely sure where my life and career is headed; I don't really know what the future looks like and where I'm going to end up. I feel there's a great deal of uncertainty with me and as a result of that, it feels like I'm at a crossroads moreso now than any point in my life thus far and there are some choices I need to make. Yes, I've had some years to consider things and prepare myself, however too much has happened in that time to maintain confidence and everything feels so up in the air; tenuous one might say. Simply put, there's just too much nonsense going on right now from multiple vectors. Admittedly, I'm struggling to stay in the game and keep my eyes on the prize. So much so in fact, that very recently I came the closest I ever have before to calling it quits outright; selling everything and moving on and not looking back. The astute among you will pick up on key subtext within this paragraph. In the meantime I've still managed to slowly acquire some final bits for the car, but it feels nice knowing there's not much left to get and I'm almost across that finish line; I have almost everything I'll ever want for my interpretation and expression on what it is I think an R34 should be. 'til later.
    • Thanks for that, hadn’t used my brain enough to think about that. 
    • Also playing with fire if they start to flow more air down low than what the stock twins can. It's not even up top you need to worry, it can be at 3000rpm and part throttle and it's getting way more flow than it should.
    • Any G40/1000 or G40/1250 results out there?  
    • You still want a proper tune on the stock ECU though. Stock tune + stock ECU with GT-SS/-9s is probably playing with fire if you're running more than stock airflow/power.
×
×
  • Create New...