Oh Dear!
* Even as a government transport officer in charge of state revenue, I would find it so agonisingly painful to find a cheque from a poor man such as you who'd send a cheque that was 3c short!
* I would feel so compassionate that you'd write me letters in re-used government envelopes explaining that you don't have enough money to pay for stamps.
* I would be touched with heartache if you continued to dialogue with your pleas for me to not hand down demerit points, as you a widower, have so many children to feed.
* I would appreciate your replies of gratitude that I as a government officer can be so merciful and gracious.
* After a qualifying period, I would accept your proposal of "de facto" as we meet on our first date in passionate embrace > because I am damn ugly!