Chuck Norris Facts

[wiked1]

• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

• Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

• Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

• Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

• Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

• Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

• Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

• Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

• Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

• The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

• Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

• The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

• Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting.... CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING

• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

• Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

• There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

• Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

• Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

• Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

• Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

-chuck norris doest tea bag women he potatoe sacks them

-chuck norris is also currently suing Hubba Bubba, claiming that 6 feet of fun is the trade mark name of his penis

-the chuck norris roundhouse kick is the preferred method of execution in 13 states

-chuck norris sleeps with a bed light on, not because he is afraid of the dark, its because the dark is afraid of him.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the

courage to tell him.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for

handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot

belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park

there.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only 3 moves

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself

when will the government learn...speed doesnt kill people Chuck Norris kills people

Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

chuck norris makes onions cry

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris

[**JaR**]

welcome to last yr

[dezz]

year before

[West]

Also Chuck Norris is one of Bruce Lee's best student, and i kick the crap out of Bruce Lee in a death match in my dream .

[saff_cossie]

Also Chuck Norris is one of Bruce Lee's best student, and i bet Bruce Lee in a death match in my dream .

Why did you bet on him Koala? Good odds? Touche!

[West]

Why did you bet on him Koala? Good odds? Touche!

I knew i wouldn't get away from you that easy .

[Anarkei]

eegads people. this is at least 2 years old.

and it was only half funny the first time around.

[KamikazeR33]

/awaits for ash to say "use the search function"

[eMsta]

Guy Goma once whooped Chuck norris's ass.....

Chuck was arguing with the producers on BBC, Goma noticed this, thats why he pretended to be the IT guy. Once Norris was on the ground laughing his head off, Goma pounced on him and kicked his ass!

[Jamezilla]

I'm actually surprised any of you young-uns even know who Chuck Norris is.

* remembers first seeing Missing in Action on VHS at a friend's house in 1986. Then we watched Return of the Living Dead and I decided that I never wanted to work in a mourge nor eat brains.

[eMsta]

actually i know him through watching "walker" - that show used to crack me up every time! The blonde in that was not bad though.....i miss those late night funny shows....

[**JaR**]

I'm actually surprised any of you young-uns even know who Chuck Norris is.

[eMsta]

actually i know him through watching "walker" - that show used to crack me up every time! The blonde in that was not bad though.....i miss those late night funny shows....

[ctjet]

oh god not this crap again...

[Belsil80]

phff, everyone who has seen this gets a medal. i hadnt, and at 2 in the morning its not bad. Spose the Jack Baurer one has been posted here too...

[eMsta]

well - 24 actually keeps people in suspense - "walker" was just a joke