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BMW M3 (17" DTMs & Remus Exhaust): I am a Curtin / UWA / ECU overseas business student

BMW 7 Series: I enjoy fixing "accidental" scratches down the entire length of my car

BMW 850i: I have so much money it literally makes people vomit spontaneously

Honda NSX: I cannot get an erection

Morris Mini: I enjoy taking radiators out and bonnets off

Mitsubishi Magna: I get sucked in easily by slick ad campaigns

Holden Commodore VL: I like being reminded my” big Aussie six" is really a Skyline motor

Suzuki Swift GTi: I can't wait to got off my "P" plates

Mazda RX-7: I can't afford a Porsche

Mazda RX-2: I spend lots of time in my garage and enjoy getting dirty

Mazda RX-3: I live in my garage and enjoy staying dirty

Holden Sandman: I saw Mad Max 367 times

Holden Berlina: I’m a very good Amway salesperson

Holden Statesman: I’m a pimp

Holden Statesman HSV: I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well

Holden Commodore GTS-R: I'm in a mid life crisis and reckon Johnson is a slow old codger

Volkswagen Kombi: I'm leading a militia to overthrow the government, and this is a car bomb.

Toyota Corona: I teach fourth grade special education

Holden Gemini: I delivered pizza for four years to get this car

Nissan Skyline GTR: I slow down to 120 in school zones and don't like Jap Super bikes

Subaru Impreza WRX: I slow down to 160 in school zones and don't like Jap Super bikes or GTRs

Mazda 323 4WD Turbo: I wish I could afford a WRX

Mitsubishi Lancer GSR: This is faster than a WRX, honest it is

Toyota Celica SX: I mistakenly think this was the actual car that won the WRC, like on the ads

Holden VT Commodore (Pursuit Rims): I enjoy having people slow to 60kph when I pull up behind them

Suzuki Sierra: I will start Year 11 this year

Suzuki Vitara: I will start Year 12 this year

Nissan EXA: I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all

Toyota Corolla KE: I have just graduated and have no credit rating

Hyundai Excel 1: I lack any originality and am basically a lemming

Hyundai Excel 2: I'm a receptionist and this is my first car

Ford Taurus: I'm sure this shape of car will catch on eventually

Volkswagen Beetle: I still watch Partridge Family re-runs

Toyota Tarago: I enjoy being reminded, every ten minutes, how much my car looks like a wombat

Jaguar XJ6: I am so rich I will pay $60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days a year

Kia Sephia: I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp

Lamborghini Diablo: I only have one testicle

Fiat X-19: This car is made in the same country as a Ferrari

Mercedes 500SL Stretched: I will beat your ass up if you ask me for an autograph

Mercedes 560SEL: I have a daughter named Missy and a son named Ridge

Mazda MX-5: I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler truck

MGB: I am dating a mechanic

MGF: I've just dumped a mechanic

Mitsubishi Starion: I don't know what it means either

Nissan 300ZX: I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings

Holden Commodore VN: I just stole this car and I'm going to ram raid an Adidas store

Honda Civic / Prelude with 17" DTMs: I have a switchblade in my sock

Porsche 911 Turbo: I have a three inch ****

Porsche 944: I am dating women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me

Subaru Liberty: I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu

Camira: So what if it breaks down all the time, at least I don't owe money on it

1967 Mustang: Classic, not plastic.

Impreza WRX: I’m a herd animal

Toyota Echo: I like to pay more to get less.

Honda Civic: Be original... Just like your friends.

VW Beetle: I like putting out engine fires (see Audi 90)

Hyundai Excel: I'm going to increase it's performance with a rear wing

Toyota Camry Wagon: I'm the new breed of Volvo drivers

2002 Monaro: I have no idea about cars, but all my rev head mates think I am a hero.

Ford Laser: I don't have a choice

351 GT: I like people from the next suburb to know when I'm coming around

Suzuki GTi: I spike my hair, wear lots of metal chains and bop to R&B music

Mercedes-Benz A160: Look! It has Mercedes badges!

Hyundai Accent: At least it's not an Excel

Commodore VK: Come steal my car, it's not as if the key's any ****ing different

Commodore VL: I'd like a Skyline, but all my revhead friends would laugh at me.

Suzuki Mighty Boy: You only need 3 Cylinders, any more and your being greedy.

Subaru Impreza RX: My car has Rally Heritage! I can pretend it's a Rex!

Suzuki Swift Extreme: I'm too stingy to pay GTi insurance

Toyota Paseo: Hey at least it *looks* sporty

Pre 1992 Lancer GSR: I'm hoping people won’t know this isn't the 4WD Turbo version..

Ford Falcon EA-ED: Looks like ****, sounds like ****, goes like ****, but you just can't kill the *******.

Nissan R33 Skyline: Look at what my daddy bought me. It's even got an original Nismo sticker!

R31 Skyline: No, really, it's fast. I think..

R32 Skyline: These won at Bathurst. Remember? No? Oh Well...

R33 Skyline: I bought a skyline, hooray. What do you mean it's the slowest one?

R34 Skyline: My parents own a "small corner shop in Tokyo"

Hyundai Excel: So what if it's not a real car? It has a nice stereo. No wait! Come Back! Pay attention to me!

VH-VL commodore: You'd think my most valuable possession would not be easily stolen with a screwdriver wouldn't you?

Land Cruiser: I went through some mud in the school parking lot last week.

Holden VN Commodore: I have 13 kids and receive indigenous payouts from the government

Saab 9000 Turbo: I'm in a mid life crisis and can't afford a WRX

Mercedes E Class: My name can not easily be pronounced by anyone with English as a first language

Ford Maveric: It's a Nissan... really it is

Toyota Hilux (with big FOX racing sticker): I've never ridden a motorbike before but I think it would be fun

Toyota Prado: The women at child care laugh at my poor attempt at a land cruiser

VT-VX Clubsport: I Just Wanted One... like 50,000 other people did

HSV Senator: I'm not a very good pimp (see statesman)

Falcon XR6 Turbo: I'm a VL turbo driver with too much cash

Commodore S: $8000 for spoilers is worth it, I swear

Astra Convertible: I'm an over paid sales woman with a wanky title like "Account Manager"

Toyota Lowlux: Totally defeats the purpose of a Ute but my mates think I’m fully sick

Ford AU Falcon: Built Ford Rough

BMW X5: My car will never ever see dirt

BMW 3 Series: It's got BMW badges... and its more common than Melbourne police eating souvlaki

Audi TT: It's almost a Porsche...

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    • @Haggerty this is your red flag. In MAP based ECU's the Manifold pressure X RPM calculation is how the engine knows it is actually...running/going through ANY load. You are confusing the term 'base map' with your base VE/Fuel table. When most people say 'base map' they mean the stock entire tune shipped with the ECU, hopefully aimed at a specific car/setup to use as a base for beginning to tune your specific car. Haltech has a lot of documentation (or at least they used to, I expect it to be better now). Read it voraciously.
    • I saw you mention this earlier and it raised a red flag, but I couldn't believe it was real. Yes, the vacuum signal should vary. It is the one and only load signal from the engine to the ECU, and it MUST vary. It is either not connected or is badly f**ked up in some way.
    • @Haggerty you still haven't answered my question.  Many things you are saying do not make sense for someone who can tune, yet I would not expect someone who cannot tune to be playing with the things in the ECU that you are.  This process would be a lot quicker to figure out if we can remove user error from the equation. 
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