Jump to content
SAU Community

Evil Mother In Law Probs!

nikr33

By nikr33,
in Victoria

 Share

Recommended Posts

nikr33 Explorer

nikr33

Posted
Posted

Hi guys,

Long time since I have posted here....but anyways.......

I need advice on what to do about an evil mother in law (girlfriends Mum)

Long distance serious relationship with me here and her in QLD, she is considering moving down here but her mother is kicking up a huge stink and being totally unreasonable. Here is just some of the tactics she is using.....

Saying stuff like 'he doesn't love you, if he did, he would move here for you' He's only going to break up with you anyway....

Not talking to my G/F or being very cold to her.....

Saying that it is like she will be dead to the family and how can she betray her family like this.

Saying that if she moves here, and we get married she won't attend the wedding (which to a chick is a huge thing)

Its got to the stage where my girlfriend won't let me visit her up there, she always comes here because she is scared of her mother and what might happen if I go there. Her Mum doesn't even have a licence or work and relies on her kids to drive her around and pay the rent / food etc.

THe thing is that she is nice as pie until something doesn't go her way, then shes using guilt trips, blackmail etc, and basically disowning her own daughter for doing nothing other than following her heart.

I love my girlfriend heaps, but I don't know how much more of this crap I can take, and the whole time I am here and she is there, her Mum is in her ear trying to break us up cause shes a selfish jealous bitch!!

The sad thing is that my girlfriend can see what her Mum is trying to do but still has alleigance to her just because its her Mum. She actually wants to move here but is having to put up with sooo much rubbish thats its nearly tearing us apart.

I know this is nothing about cars, but I drive a line, so please help a bro out!

PLEASE HELP ME BEFORE I GO MAD!!!!!!!!!!! :(

Link to comment
https://www.sau.com.au/forums/topic/168092-evil-mother-in-law-probs/
Share on other sites
madaz R33 Proficient

madaz R33

Posted
Posted

its definetly between a rock and hard place, u cant really do anything, its up to ure g/f to "cut the apron strings" if she cant/doesnt/wont u have ure answer. btw how old is ure g/f as that mite have a bearing on things

nikr33 Explorer

nikr33

Posted
  • Author
Posted
its definetly between a rock and hard place, u cant really do anything, its up to ure g/f to "cut the apron strings" if she cant/doesnt/wont u have ure answer. btw how old is ure g/f as that mite have a bearing on things

Shes 22, I'm 24

It's not like im some dodgy bloke her Mum's trying to protect her from either. I'm an accountant with my own business, not a dole bludging bum!

eMsta Grand Master

eMsta

Posted
Posted
Shes 22, I'm 24

It's not like im some dodgy bloke her Mum's trying to protect her from either. I'm an accountant with my own business, not a dole bludging bum!

she needs to make up her mind bro - from what you have told me on msn, things are going well with you both. She just has to be strong in making her decision, and you just have to support her through it. Some parents tend to get a bit farked in the head - but ultimately its up to the couple to decide what they wanna do, not the parents. If your girl wants to move down to geelong, then organise everything for her (though i know she already feels welcome). Parents like that will always bitch no matter what, but you have to consider whats good for yourself - if you know what i mean.

nikr33 Explorer

nikr33

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Buy her a gift voucher to dive at the reefs,

Then on the day, make sure you load your boat with lots of raw meats, chuck them down where she's diving, simple :( . Just kidding, what nationality is your GF may i ask?

Sounds like a plan!! Anyone know a good butcher with a few free offcuts?

She's 100% aussie

saff_cossie Grand Master

saff_cossie

Posted
Posted
Buy her a gift voucher to dive at the reefs,

Then on the day, make sure you load your boat with lots of raw meats, chuck them down where she's diving, simple :( . Just kidding, what nationality is your GF may i ask?

ROFL!!! I can just see little West there, wearing the singlet and throwing meat over the edge to help his buddy! :laughing-smiley-014:

As for the question,

If she is serious about you, she will come down with or without her mothers blessing. Its a tough call to make for her but I do know of some ethnic groups that are very home and familyl orientated.

Tough call though and you definately don't need her mother in law making the long distance relationship any easier. She is probably just jealous as you are not a local boy up there she can hit on :wave:

Hope you get it sorted.

Kaz200 Grand Master

Kaz200

Posted
Posted

That whole 'blood is thicker than water' thing is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

If someone is causing problems in your life, it shouldn't matter who they are, IF they don't have YOUR best interests at heart then you shouldn't go out of your way for them/to please them or put yourself at a disadvantage because they're unhappy.

Sometimes you are better off if you just cut off your 'family' and make your own, it's much better! You can never be at a disadvantage making the family you want and ignoring negative influences, if you had kids already your first priority would be protecting them.

I don't know if that's the best option for your GF tho as I'm not in her position.

I think in your situation, either way your gf's mother is doing nothing but turning her own daughter against her. No matter what, you should always be supportive in everything your child does, even if you don't agree with it, because ultimately they'll do whatever they want and at the very least you want to be there for them if it doesn't work out.

Saying things like 'I won't attend a wedding' will do nothing but make your GF disappointed with her and not with you.

My only advice really is to be supportive, be there for her and give her no reason to believe anything her mother says. Just let her mother dig her own hole, there's not much else you can do really. If she can't see past the manipulation then it's not something you'd want to live with for another 20 yrs anyway, believe me it's very exhausting and frustrating.

I know exactly what you mean about the nice as pie bit.. gawd they can be so manipulative, esp when they have no life and need entertainment and want attn all the time. Just be glad you're not living with it already.

nikr33 Explorer

nikr33

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Very good advice Kaz,

Im trying to be as supportive as I can, but its hard when my girlfriend doesn't tell me everything that is going on up there, so I don't know what to say at times, other than that I'm here for her whenever she needs me.

You're right though, her Mum is digging her own grave and what she doesn't realise is that the more she carries on like this, the slimmer the chance that I would ever move up there.

Cause if I moved up there Im sure everything would be sweet for a while, until there was something else she wanted or wasn't happy with, then she would start the whole caper all over again....no way, I'm not that stupid!!

FINER6 Experienced

FINER6

Posted
Posted

My cousin went through the same thing with a girl up on the gold coast... must be the water up there.

He ended up having her 'visit on holiday' for longer and longer periods of time... until she was staying for periods of upto 3 weeks and more. It ended up being that she was really holidaying back at the Gold Coast. The mother soon adapted to the new setup and it wasn't as hard for her to let go.

His game plan took over 18 months and cost him a lot of money, but I believe it was worth it. She is a great chick and they are now married with a kid..

Kaz200 Grand Master

Kaz200

Posted
Posted

lol I did write something along the lines of.. you only know what your GF tells you and sometimes it can be translated or interpreted wrong, blown out of proportion or not enough.. but I deleted it caus it was already a novel (as usual) :(

You also have to be careful what position you put yourself in. It's like when a friend whinges about their g/f or b/f and you agree saying 'yes they totally treat you like crap'.. and then the next day they're all peachy again and they get really defensive if you say anything remotely negative about their partner, their relationship, or their solution to yesterday's problem. Then they'll be real distant until they're single or having problems again. :wave:

And yeah, once you sort out one problem, there'll always be another.

Hopefully she'll put her foot down and tell her mother to back off & be supportive if she wants to continue to be in her life.

nikr33 Explorer

nikr33

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I think you need to go and talk to her mum..(1on1)

And put you intentions on the table..

And show her your a man..

I totally agree with you on that one........

But from what I have been told, her Mum wants to have nothing to do with me and won't talk to me

Honestly, you haven't met this woman, she can't be reasoned with, even if she is totally wrong.

To her, the only option is her option, nobody elses thoughts count.

NickR33 Grand Master

NickR33

Posted
Posted

dump her and see how quick she packs her bags haha;)

seriously tho long distance relationships suck and you are asking for trouble... but if you are really serious be patient and keep paying for her to fly down and see you... then as FINER6 said, just have her stay longer and longer each time... then hook her up some 'casual' work down here... sooner or later her mum will have to accept defeat!

Ps. My GF is greek australian and I'm not... she can't move in with me so she moved out with a friend (which was a big enough deal to start with!)... 200 metres up the road from me hahaha!

DogKnight Mentor

DogKnight

Posted
Posted

After just having a long distance relationship fail on me after 4 years, the only advice I can really give at this point is that it gets even harder the longer it goes on, even if things are peachy, so get together as soon as possible.

adznight Newbie

adznight

Posted
Posted
After just having a long distance relationship fail on me after 4 years, the only advice I can really give at this point is that it gets even harder the longer it goes on, even if things are peachy, so get together as soon as possible.

On the mark there I reckon mate. If she's worth it move to her, things will work out, there's always work for accountants and she'll be closer to her mum so they'll patch things up. Plus the weather is better up there and no Vic TMU :D

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share
Go to topic listing


  • Similar Content

  • Latest Posts

    • MBS206
      Mistakes were made, my R34 Story

      By MBS206 · Posted

      All I hear is ROADTRIP!
    • sunsetR33
      Unpeeling the Orange

      By sunsetR33 · Posted

      Update 3: Hi all It's been a while. Quite a lot of things happened in the meantime, among other things the car is (almost) back together and ready to be started again. Things that I fixed or changed: Full turbo removal, fitting back the OEM turbo oil hardlines. Had to do quite a bit of research and parts shopping to get every last piece that I need and make it work with the GT2860 turbos, but it does work and is not hard to do. Proves that the previous owner(s) just did not want to. While I was there I set the preload for the wastegates to 0,9bar to hopefully make it easier for the tuner to hit the 370hp I need for the legal inspections that will follow later on. Boost can always go up if necessary. Fitted a AN10 line from the catch can to the intake hose to make the catchcan and hopefully the cam covers a slight vacuum to have less restrictive oil returns from the head and not have mud build up as harshly in the lines and catch can. Removed the entire front interior just shy of the dashboard itself to clean up some of the absolutely horrendous wiring, (hopefully) fix the bumpy tacho and put in LED bulbs while I was there. Also put in bulbs where there was none before, like the airbag one. I also used that chance to remove the LED rpm gauge on the steering column, which was also wired in absolute horror show fashion. Moved the 4in1 Prosport gauge from sitting in front of the OEM oil pressure gauge to the center console vents, I used a 3D printed vent piece to hold that gauge there. The HKB steering wheel boss was likely on incorrectly as I sometimes noticed the indicator reset being uneven for left vs. right. In the meantime also installed an airbag delete resistor, as one should. Installed Cube Speed premium short shifter. Feels pretty nice, hope it'll work great too when I actually get to drive. Also put on a fancy Dragon Ball shift knob, cause why not. My buddy was kind enough to weld the rust hole in the back, it was basically rusted through in the lowermost corner of the passenger side trunk area where the wheel arch, trunk panel and rear quarter all meet. Obviously there is still a lot of crustiness in various areas but as long as it's not rusted out I'll just treat and isolate the corrosion and pretend it's not there. Also had to put down a new ground wire for the rear subframe as the original one was BARELY there. Probably a bit controversial depending on who you ask about this... but I ended up just covering the crack in the side of the engine block, the one above the oil feed, with JB Weld. I used a generous amount and roughed up the whole area with a Dremel before, so I hope this will hold the coolant where it should be for the foreseeable future. Did a cam cover gasket job as the half moons were a bit leaky, and there too one could see the people who worked on this car before me were absolute tools. The same half moons were probably used like 3 times without even cleaning the old RTV off. Dremeled out the inside of the flange where the turbine housing mates onto the exhaust manifolds so the diameter matches, as the OEM exhaust manifolds are even narrower than the turbine housings as we all know. Even if this doesn't do much, I had them out anyways, so can't harm. Ideally one would port-match both the turbo and the manifold to the gasket size but I really didn't feel up to disassembling the turbine housings. Wrapped turbo outlet dumps in heat wrap band. Will do the frontpipe again as well as now the oil leak which promted me to tear apart half the engine in the first place is hopefully fixed. Fitted an ATI super damper to get rid of the worn old harmonic balancer. Surely one of the easiest and most worth to do mods. But torquing that ARP bolt to spec was a bitch without being able to lock the flywheel. Did some minor adjustments in the ECU tables to change some things I didn't like, like the launch control that was ALWAYS active. Treated rusty spots and surface corrosion on places I could get to and on many spots under the car, not pretty or ideal but good enough for now. Removed the N1 rear spats and the carbon surrounding for the tailpipe to put them back on with new adhesive as the old one was lifting in many spots, not pretty. Took out the passenger rear lamp housing... what do you know. Amateur work screwed me again here as they were glued in hard and removing it took a lot of force, so I broke one of the housing bolts off. And when removing the adhesive from the chassis the paint came right off too. Thankfully all the damaged area won't be visible later, but whoever did the very limited bodywork on this car needs to have their limbs chopped off piece by piece.   Quite a list if I do say so myself, but a lot of time was spent just discovering new shit that is wrong with the car and finding a solution or parts to fix it. My last problem that I now have the headache of dealing with is that the exhaust studs on the turbo outlets are M10x1.25 threaded, but the previous owner already put on regular M10 nuts so the threads are... weird. I only found this out the hard way. So now I will just try if I can in any way fit the front pipe regardless, if not I'll have to redo the studs with the turbos installed. Lesson learned for the future: Redo ALL studs you put your hands on, especially if they are old and the previous owners were inept maniacs. Thanks for reading if you did, will update when the engine runs again. Hope nothing breaks or leaks and I can do a test drive.
    • Kapr
      What brakes on R34 GTT(Europe)

      By Kapr · Posted

      No those pads are DBA too  but they have colors too. I look at the and imo the green "street" are the best.
    • wizlb
      Who has a Infiniti Q60, Q50 (V37)?

      By wizlb · Posted

      I’m not sure what happened I told them about sonic tunes free OTS tune and the next the I know .. I was booted..   To funny 
    • Kinkstaah
      Starting again

      By Kinkstaah · Posted

      Yea - I mean I've seen my fuel pump which is decades old and uh, while I'm not saying this with real knowledge... but I sure get the ick at using anything in the fuel system that produced the state of that pump. Many years ago I went through multiple pumps (and strainers) before I dropped the tank to clean it out with extreme violence. I'm talking the car would do maybe 50km before coming to a halt, which resulted in me cleaning out the filter with some brake cleaner and going on my way. None of my stuff ever looked like what came out of your fuel tank. I don't think I'd be happy with it unless every single component was replaced (or at least checked/cleaned/confirmed to be clean here).
×
×
  • Create New...