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Rezz`s Post-Nismo Festival Giveaway...

Rezz

By Rezz,
in Japan

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V8skylineMAN Grand Master

V8skylineMAN

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There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing.

On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport.

During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport.

The fare was US$300. The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!"

There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"

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V8skylineMAN Grand Master

V8skylineMAN

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Japanese Banking Crisis

According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of ameliorating. If anything, it's getting worse.

Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches.

Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is (you guessed it!) going for a song.

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop.

Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.

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Duncan Grand Master

Duncan

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Japanese Banking Crisis  

According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of ameliorating. If anything, it's getting worse.  

Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches.  

Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is (you guessed it!) going for a song.  

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop.  

Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.

gold!

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V8skylineMAN Grand Master

V8skylineMAN

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"My God! What happened to you?" the bartender asked iko Kiyota as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.

"I got in a fight with Ono," he sheepishly responded.

"Seiko Ono? He's just a small man," the barkeep said, surprised. "He must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," Kiyota said. "A shovel it was."

"Dear son of rajab! Didn't you have anything in your hand?"

"Yes I did -- Mrs Ono's tit," Kiyota said. "And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight."

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V8skylineMAN Grand Master

V8skylineMAN

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On a notebook: "Confernce: When I changed concept, I could see genuine articles. A reliable brand selected by those with good taste."

On a notebook: "Notebook: This notebook is excellent quality and royal to learn. Put pen to this paper."

On a sign:"Please do not stand here and sell things and we will call the police."

On a sign: "No get over a forward fence please."

On a pair of shorts: "Where did you come from?

Let's enjoy your life."

On a can of coffee: "There's a gallon of deliciousness in every drop. Reach for the taste of good taste, reach for DyDo."

On a vending machine: "Every satisfying sip a flavour experience, delicious refreshment is a DyDo tradition. Relax and enjoy this thirst quenching beverages at their best. DyDo is your ticket to drink paradise."

On a "Print Club" (sticker photo) machine: "A man of ideas can make the best use of PRINT CLUB in various ways."

On a pack of facial tissues: "Humming Tissues always propose more sanitary life for you"

On a change machine with a curved front: "Wavy front panel creates a lively motion. I wish you good luck and pleasant time."

On a package of butter cookies: "This article is made from choice materials and packaged taking care of hygenic condition."

On a notepad:"Report Pad: If there is changing beauty, there is constant beauty. Enjoy lasting pleasure and satisfaction in using this report pad made of the best quality paper. Kyokuto Note Co., Ltd."

On a hankerchief: "I grow parent bird some day. I am still green."

On a shopping bag: "Cuteness Puppy

A good day isexpected to bigin. My favourite way of sleeping, charming puppy."

On a bag of corn puffs: "It's best suitable as a simple and convenient refreshment food for an athletic meeting."

On a can of "post water":"Rapidly moistens your body and gently softens your soul. Post Water is Life Water for us all."

On a box of cookies: "Tohato raisin cookie is baked in a way handmade like. The cookie gives flavors of it's ingredients. Let's enjoy the cookie with it's smooth texture and rich flavor for family tea and children's snack."

On a box of cookies:"Beautiful things are beyond time.

Women's history never cease to yearn for beauty."

Yet another box of cookies: "Confidence of creating deliciousness.

This tastiness can not be carried even by both hands."

On an "Exciting Ball":)"Squeeze it...

whenever stress has got you down,

Squeeze it...

for good health day by day...

Squeeze it...

you will be locky man of all the world!"

On a backpack:)"Little wonders are gone in a flash, like squirrels. Put your found treasures in your rucksack."

On a backpack: "I like to watch the seasons change. It's a precious feeling, like having a rucksack on your back."

On an Apple Mint Gum display:"For boys & girls

Be always happy with mint taste

When you chew just a little piece,

you must say, "It's so cold out here."

On the wrapper of Dipper Dan's ice cream: "Making you feel Nice and Happy

by tasting Dipper Dan's flavor,

That's our happiness.

Making Heartfull Cummunication

between you and Dipper Dan,

That's our wishness"

On a cigarette machine: "This is the White Corner.

It's the bright, fantastic and sophisticated urban life.

Let's make the brilliant scene. Get's together with us."

On a bread store window: "Kobeya was established in 1918

We wish all the time to be able to provide you fresh bread and to propose you a joy of eating life with bread. Especially, we want to be a host at dinner of your kitchen. We are waiting for you with various kinds of bread, cakes and sandwiches."

On a junk mail envelope:"I spin hat with top."

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V8skylineMAN Grand Master

V8skylineMAN

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"A strong earthquake has rocked southwestern Japan, injuring five people and temporarily closing a local motorway.

The injured - four in Mie prefecture and one in Aichi prefecture - were taken to area hospitals, but their injuries were not serious, police said.

The quake, which hit at 1.43am local time, had a magnitude of 5.5 and was centred about 25 miles underground in southern Mie prefecture, the Meteorological Agency said.

The agency initially said the quake had a magnitude of 5.7, but later revised it downward after further assessment.

Katsuhiko Kawaguchi, a spokesman for the Mie prefectural police, said a 46-year-old man cut his forehead after jumping out of his home in panic and hitting a concrete wall. (

A 43-year-old man suffered a head injury after a piece of furniture from a cabinet fell on to him while he slept and a a 30-year-old man received a cut on the head after an electric iron fell on him, Mr Kawaguchi said. Also, a woman, 34, was taken to a hospital suffering from shock, he said.

In Aichi prefecture, a 30-year-old woman suffered a broken nose after she ran into her mother while trying to run outside, said Kenzo Hanaya, a local police spokesman.

Police temporarily halted traffic on the Tomeihan expressway, a major motorway, in Aichi while also reducing speed limits on other major roads as officials checked for damage.

Also on Tuesday, a quake with a preliminary magnitude of 4.9 shook a string of volcanic islands south of Tokyo, but there were no immediate reports of damage or injuries."

Irregardless of the scope of the news, it is taken very seriously here and judicially discussed in muted tones by somber faced newscasters. There are times when I just can't believe how they can keep a straight face while giving some of these downright hilarious reports.

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Rezz Grand Master

Rezz

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The rankings so far...

1) Parag0n: I'm speechless...

2) V8skylineMAN: practically a two-way tie with Parag0n... on sheer volume if anything else.

3) Jamezilla: Best story by far!

The standard has gone up a notch... awesome guys! Keep it coming!!!

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V8skylineMAN Grand Master

V8skylineMAN

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Japanese drivers are going high-tech to fight back against sneaky traffic cops who hide by roadsides or spring surprise checks to catch offenders, according to Shukan Post (12/12).

Behind the battle are tough new road laws targeting drunken drivers in particular.

"Fines for drunken drivers have been raised sixfold to 300,000 yen and the maximum jail term extended to one year," motoring journalist Ryoichi Imai tells Shukan Post. "What's more, it's not only the driver who's fined, but anybody else in the car, too. The crackdown shows the police are getting tough on drunken drivers."

Many attest that the days are over when Japan's police would turn a blind eye to somebody who got behind the wheel while pickled. In fact, it's almost reached the stage where merely smelling of alcohol is enough to warrant arrest.

"I had one beer on the way home from work and thought I'd be all right, but I was caught. I was traveling with two friends at the time and they got fined, too. We ended up paying 600,000 yen between us," a company employee tells Shukan Post.

Another driver adds: "I'd been out drinking the night before and had a rotten hangover. But I had slept for some time and I didn't feel drunk at all. I was surprised (to be fined)."

Drivers may have been shocked, but journalist Imai isn't.

"Revisions to the law lowered the legally permitted alcohol content of breath from 0.25 milligrams to 0.15 milligrams," he says. "Basically, one drop of booze would be enough to put you away."

Cops are delighted with their hardened approach, especially as they lowered Japan's national road toll last year to 8,326 -- the lowest figure on record.

But where the cops have toughened, so have those seeking to skirt them become wilier.

Dozens of sites have popped up on the Internet where people who've noticed traffic cops at work can list the details, which are then mailed out to other drivers' computers or mobile phones.

"Mail will be sent to your address as soon as it is listed in the site, provided you register in advance," one of the users tells Shukan Post. "You'll get messages like, 'There's a breath tester at such-and-such a crossing,' or 'hidden roadside cops are looking for speeding drivers near wherever.'"

One of the operators of an "outwit-the-officers" sites claims to have registered over 5,000 users across Japan.

"We started out only covering Okinawa. There are no trains there, so many people drive drunk and the demand for information such as that on our site was clearly there. We went nationally at the start of this year," the webmaster says. "Most of our new users sign up over holiday periods or during road safety campaigns (when policing of roads is strictest)."

Cops are surprised to hear of the development.

"We weren't even aware these sites existed. Maybe they know about them on a local level, but nobody has looked into the whole picture. At the moment, we see nothing illegal about sending e-mail and have no intention of taking concrete steps to stop this practice," a spokesman for the National Police Agency tells Shukan Post. "But if we find out that these sites have helped a drunken driver who has caused an accident to avoid being breath-tested, we will track them down and prosecute them as an accessory."

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