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Rezz`s Post-Nismo Festival Giveaway...

Rezz

By Rezz,
in Japan

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Rezz Grand Master

Rezz

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Yes, thats right! I have some goodies from the Nismo Festival to give to one lucky member!!!

As an occasion to mark the start of the SAU Japan Forum, I`ll be giving away:

1x 70th Aniversary Nissan Motosports History DVD

1x 2003 Nismo Festival Event Program

1x Nissan "2003 JGTC Champion" sticker

1x Initial D "Lancer Evolution III" Keyholder

All you have to do is post up the most interesting Japan related info/story/pic/joke/poem... whatever(!) by the 16th of December and I`ll notify and get details from the winner on the 17th, just in time to collect before Christmas!

**Competition only open to Australian residents.

So go for it! Make the SAU Japan forum the best!

/Rezz

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rs73 Grand Master

rs73

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I guess I'll start... this may have been heard by some but why not...

Samurai

Back in the time of the Samurai there was a powerful emperor who needed a new head Samurai. He sent a declaration throughout the country that he was searching for a new head Samurai. A year passed and only three people showed up to apply for the position: a Japanese Samurai, a Chinese Samurai and a Jewish Samurai.

The emperor asked the Japanese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the new head Samurai.

The Japanese Samurai opened a match box and out popped a little fly. Whoosh went his sword and the fly dropped dead on the ground in two pieces. The emperor exclaimed, "That is very impressive!''

The emperor then asked the Chinese Samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be the new head Samurai. The Chinese Samurai also opened a match box and out popped a fly. Whoosh, whoosh went his sword. The fly dropped dead on the ground in four pieces. The emperor exclaimed, "That is really very impressive!''

The emperor then had the Jewish Samurai demonstrate why he should be the new head Samurai. The Jewish Samurai also opened a match box and out popped a fly. His flashing sword went whoooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh, whooooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh, whoooooossshhh. A gust of wind filled the room, but the fly was still alive and buzzing around. The emperor, obviously disappointed, asked, "After all of that, why is the fly stilll alive?''

The Jewish Samurai smiled and said, "Circumcision is not intended to kill.''

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V8skylineMAN Grand Master

V8skylineMAN

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Taken from UPI 21/2/96

Yes, we have suspended the teacher for three months, Tokyo school

board official Tomio Shimazaki admitted to reporters. He had his

reasons, but we wish to make it clear that ordering pupils to commit

hara-kiri is simply no longer acceptable in Japanese schools.

Shimazaki freely accepted that the unnamed teacher, 28, had

over-stepped the mark. He was angry because two junior high school

students had brought candy along on a school camping trip and did

not offer to share.

To punish them, he placed two hunting knives in front of them and

told them to disembowel themselves, saying that ritual suicide was

the only honourable course they could take. They both refused,

whereupon he repeatedly struck them both with a tent pole, and had

to be restrained by colleagues when he began to fashion a noose

from a guy rope. In his defence, he said he was annoyed with them.

the text on the rising sun tshirt says stupid forgieners(or so im told)

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Rezz Grand Master

Rezz

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Yep, thats right. First two kanji are "Baka" (Foolish or stupid) and the second two are "Gaijin" (Foreigner).

Thats a cool story dude, keep 'em coming!:)

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Jamezilla Grand Master

Jamezilla

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Felonious females fellating their way to fellas' wads

September 27, 2003

Pickpocketing cases have increased throughout Japan in recent years, but the percentage of women resorting to this timeworn technique has fallen.

However, rather than being a case of crime fighters striking a blow for justice, the downturn is more a case of felonious females dealing out some blows of their own, according to Shukan Taishu (10/6).

"Pickpocketing used to involve a thief stealing a wallet at the precise instant they bumped into somebody walking along the street in the opposite direction," police affairs journalist Akio Kuroki tells Shukan Taishu. "But now, growing numbers of women are seducing men and stealing their wallets just as they have lured them into a relaxed mode."

A man we'll call Akira was set up while celebrating a soccer win with a group of friends as they hugged other supporters.

"This group of about 10 South American women, all of them with nice bodies, came up and started throwing their arms around us. The women gave loud screams and started to grind their hips in a dance around us.

"One grabbed me and thrust my head between her breasts. She had no bra on! I was counting my blessings even as my breath shortened while she held my head tightly," Akira tells Shukan Taishu.

Little did he know, the woman had slipped the wallet out of his pocket and it was being passed along to her friends where it would be whisked away from Akira forever.

"After they left, I was sort of mystified and wondered what all their act had been about. It took ages before I finally realized she had robbed me."

Another man we'll refer to as Bunta thought all his dreams had come at once when two girls he met through an online dating site agreed to meet him for some fun late one night at Itabashi Station in Tokyo.

Within seconds, the women started working on him, dropping his trousers with one ministering to him from the front and the other massaging his most intimate parts from behind.

"One of them told me she'd give me some special treatment and, just for a few seconds, performed oral sex on me," Bunta tells Shukan Taishu.

Bunta's beauty worked her magic and he erupted. While at his most vulnerable with his pants around his ankles, the girls told him they had better leave separately to avoid being spotted. In bliss, Bunta agreed and the girls left. It was only later that he realized while one of the girls had her mouth full, the other's hands were free, giving her ample opportunity to pilfer his pockets.

"It was only much later when I went to buy myself some canned coffee when I realized the wallet that should have been in my pocket wasn't there," he says. "There was about 20,000 yen inside it. They were much younger than me, but they taught me a good lesson that came with a hefty tuition fee."

Shunta, as we'll have him known, was stumped while riding home drunk in a deserted carriage of a late night train to his home in Kurihama, Kanagawa Prefecture. He lay down on the train seat as a beautiful young woman walked down the carriage aisle, sat on the seat opposite him and stared at the 46-year-old computer software company manager.

"I finally realized she hadn't taken her eyes off me. I looked back at her and her smile turned into a lecherous grin. She put her hand on top of my zipper and slowly drew it down," Shunta says. "While she rubbed around, the excitement became incredible. She whipped it out, tucked her hair in behind her ears and set her mouth to work."

Things reached a head as the driver announced the woman's stop.

"When the driver said our next stop would be Yokosuka, the woman put on a spurt of speed, which resulted in me giving her a spurt of my own. She stood up, gave a slight smile, slung her bag over her shoulder and got off the train," Shunta tells Shukan Taishu. "As far as I was concerned, I'd just had an experience I could only ever have dreamed of. It was only when I went to catch a cab that I realized my wallet was gone."

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